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Does this mean I should start using the big words from my vocabumulary books? Heh, maybe I shouldn’t have checked this when my most recent post was about the muppets, but I’d actually prefer that y blog was readable and accessible instead of all scholarly and obtuse.

**I did the same survey for my photo blog and it came up as post-grad college level. Apparently you have to be edumecated to look at pictures.**

So, I’m at the gym treating myself to a post-workout smoothie (yummy!) when the TV in the lounge (because anywhere human beings are relaxing must have a TV, don’tcha know) has a little news flash about the end of the theater strike in New York.  For some reason, this triggers some dormant brain cell and the Muppet Show theme song starts playing in my head:

It’s time to play the music.
Its time to light the lights.
It’s time to meet the muppets
On the muppet show tonight!

It’s time to get things started on the most
Sensational,Inspirational,Celebrational,
Muppetational
This is what we call the muppet show!

The truly sad part of this is that I actually know all the words. The second sad part is that now it won’t go away! I’ve tried blasting it with heavy metal, distracting myself with pretty pictures, doing word games in my head….and still it plays. I’m about ready to drive a pointy stick through my eye.

This morning I went to the loan place to check out their offer. Strangely enough, the pre-approval letter they had sent me didn’t mention little things like the interest rate or repayment terms. When I got there, I wasn’t impressed. The place had a kinda ‘kid borrowing his big brother’s suit’ feel to it. I strongly suspect most of their business is done over the phone with people who just get the acceptance letter and use the convenient toll free number to get their check “as fast as possible”. The interest rate on the loan was high and the payment terms, though they generously offered no payments ’til 2008, prohibitive. Basically, I wouldn’t be saving any money, just switching who I sent the checks to. That’s not at all what I had in mind, so I decided to pass.

I’ve been squirming as much as I can, trying to avoid having to take yet another crap job just to make ends meet, but it just isn’t going to happen. Everything I’ve done in the past few years to try to advance myself has pretty much come to nothing. I’m back to (maybe) one step above ‘do you want fries with that’. Ohhh, I know, maybe I can work part time at a porn store…. No, wait….. Been there, done that.

I got one of those “pre-approved” loan offers in the mail on Saturday. It’s amazing the crap you get when you pay your bills regularly. It’s only worth mentioning because I’m actually considering accepting it. See, I only have two more unemployment payments until my benefits run out and no job prospects on the horizon. Just when you want to be taking out a loan, right? However, if I took the money, I could give myself a year’s breathing room on my regular bills with enough left over to carry my expenses for another couple of months. That would ease a hell of a lot of pressure, if only temporarily. Of course, then I’d have an additional loan payment on top of everything else.

So, that’s the questio0n. Take the loan and gamble that the temporary reprieve lets me find something worthwhile or play it safe and take the next dead end, minimum wage crap job that presents itself? Neither choice exactly fills me with joy.

(click image for larger size)

(click image for larger size)

Check out The Devils Panties. It’s not Satanic porn, I promise.

My Father, Kendra, and I went back to the Lakota Wolf Preserve to see the wolves in their winter coats. It was definitely a good trip, though the light wasn’t so good for photography. I really wish I had a spare four hundred dollars for their half day photography session. I’d love to be able to get some close up pictures without the chain link fence in the way.

(click image for larger size)

(click image for larger size)

(click image for larger size)

(click image for larger size)

I also took a video with the intent of recording the wolves howling. YouTube wouldn’t accept it, so I had to upload it to MySpace. Which means, unfortunately, I can’t embed it here, so follow this link to watch it…. and ignore the video itself, which is awful. Just listen to the wolves sing…..

All right, I’m feeling muuuch better now. I’m still sore, but I don’t have that totally drained, exhausted feeling anymore. I think getting out and being sociable last night helped me no end.

Last night was a Game night and my first time running a campaign in a very long while. It was mostly preliminaries such as making characters, introduction to the new game world and the city they’ll be playing in, then finishing up with a little teaser combat. I’ve got a very interesting group of characters running around, which is good for me as a moderator. It’s much easier to weave a decent plot if you’ve got something more to work with than “I am a generic fighter. I like to hit things with my sword”. This party is definitely unusual, from the half-Ogre barbarian to the Sun Elf wizard or the half-Drow druid to the Aasimar paladin. Out of seven party members, only one is playing a human, which makes for some interesting possibilities.

It’s also nice to have the creative juices flowing again. I took a break from moderating to get my real life in order (and hasn’t that worked out so well?), but gaming was my first creative outlet and it feels good to get back to it. Not to mention, after the way this week has been, a little fantasy and social contact was just what I needed. I’ve been doing too much of the ’sitting in my cave’ thing. I need to get out there.

So, after all that, I called the unemployment office this morning and they processed my claim. No muss, no fuss.  Apparently there had been some “glitches” on Monday, but there was no problem with my claim. So sorry, have a nice day. GrrrRR….. Ah well, at least I’ll get my money on Friday.

I seriously need a (real) job. That way, instead of dealing with unemployment crap, I can be dealing with job crap. Not to mention I’m down to less than a month’s worth of benefits at this point. We’re officially hitting the “anything that pays me a buck” phase of the job search. Yeah, looking forward to that.

Oh yeah, this is just one of those weeks where the various gods decide to see how bad they can fuck with me. For one, my workouts have been absolutely horrible. I have no freakin’ energy whatsoever and it’s only through sheer willpower that I’m getting into the gym and doing what I’m supposed to. Not to mention the fact that I’ve been in a totally foul mood and it’s usually a good bout of exercise that pulls me out of it, but with how things are going, it’s just getting worse and worse.

For two, I got my renewal for my car insurance and my frigging rates are going up to the tune of sixty bucks a month. Sixty extra dollars I don’t have, mind you. I mean, what the hell?! I’ve been driving all kinds of legal, no tickets, no accidents. Why are my rates going up?! Oh, and my registration is due to be renewed, so there’s another forty five dollars I have to spend for the privilege of driving in this gods-be-damned state.

Fore the manure icing on my steaming pile of shit cake, when I went to file my claim for my unemployment benefits on Monday, their website was down. I waited until a little after one o’clock for them to fix it, but of course, no joy. So, I used the phone claim option instead, only to be told by the oh-so helpful recording that I’d have to speak to a counselor before my claim could be processed. Monday being a holiday, there were no counselors available, so I called today as soon as I got back form the gym only to be informed, again by a helpful recording, that my day to claim benefits was Monday and I’d have to wait for my alternate day of Wednesday to talk to anyone. AAARRRRRGH!!! That means, assuming that whatever the problem is, is simple and gets resolved Wednesday so my claim is processed that day, I won’t get my money until Friday. I have two dollars in my wallet, seven dollars in the bank, and a day and a half’s worth of food in my refrigerator. Yeah, waiting for Friday to get paid sounds like a real good idea.

That cracking sound you hear? That would be me.

Unabashedly stolen from Kathy to offset the gloominess of my last post.

1.What’s in your wallet? Driver’s license, debit card, Social Security card, two dollars, and a picture of kendra

2.What’s under your bed? The floor.

3.What’s on that way top shelf or in the very far back of your closet? Vitamins

4.What’s in your underwear drawer? One would need a dresser to have an underwear drawer. My clean undies are in a bag in my closet

5.What’s in the trunk of your car? Windsheild washing fluid, my camera’s tripod, and thing I’m supposed to put over my cars roof when I have it down.

6. What colour is the under ware your wearing at this moment? Black

7. Do you have a super-secret hiding place and what’s in it? I have a lockable cabinet in my room. Anything not for public consumption goes there

8.Do you feel guilty about something right now, if yes what? I’ve been living guilt free lately.

9.What is the most embarrassing thing in your room right now? Yes, that’s right, I’m going to publish the most embarrasing thing I own for the whole world to see. (Hint: It’s made of latex)

10.Have you done something recently you hope no one finds out about? Nope, my life is boring

11.What is your last thought before you fall asleep? It varies, but it’s probably sex related

12.How long have those leftovers been in the fridge? 2 days.

13.If I confiscated your computer and took a look around….what would I find? A lot of pictures

14.Do you sleep with anything? Don’t I wish

15.What is your midnight snack weakness? Peanut butter.

16.Have you ever you shop lifted? Yep, back in my misspent youth.

17.Have you ever vandalized anything? Does drawing on my desk at school count?

18.Ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight? Danced, fought, loved, and played Parcheesi (the devil cheats, btw).

19.What do you wait until no one is looking to do? Bite my nails.

20. When did you lose your virginity? I didn’t lose it, I know exactly where it went.

I sit here, staring at the blinking cursor, wondering what it is I want to say. There is something just below the surface of my mind, something more than droning on about my workout and how sore I’ve been the past couple of days, something more than yet another complaint about being poor and jobless. It teases at me, whispers hints, but doesn’t reveal itself. It looks at my other blog entries and sneers, asking “Is this all you are? Is this all you have to share? How trivial can you be?”

I’m tired…aching. Worse, I’m bored. Bored with myself and the mediocrity of my life. I am neither hero, nor villain. My life is neither tragic nor valiant. Vanilla middle class with delusions of grandeur, never expending the effort to push his limits, hidden in a high tech cave and warmly cloaked in apathy.

I want to go out and get in a fight, feel flesh yield under my knuckles and the sting of returned punishment. I want to dive from a cliff into icy water and struggle keep the waves from breaking me on the rocks. I want to see that look in a lover’s eyes the first time we merge. I want to do something stupid and unsafe that makes me feel alive for a change instead of being calculated and controlled. I need adrenaline. I need release. I need to burn….

….but this too, will pass. Tomorrow will dawn and I will plod along, doing the right thing, the sensible thing. Rumor has it that there are rewards if you keep that up long enough.

“Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only
move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is
hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that
are killed first.

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because
the general speed and health of the whole group keeps
improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In
much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as
the slowest brain cells.

Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.
But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells
first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates
the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more
efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after
a few beers.”

-          “Cheers” Cliff Clavin explaining the Buffalo
Theory to his buddy Norm.

No, I haven’t fallen off of a cliff or taken a 40th birthday inspired run down to Tijuana. I suspect that being butt poor in Tijuana is even less fun than being butt poor in New Jersey anyway. I was just feeling the isolationist need for a bit. Well, that and indulging in a Sims 2 marathon. You can blame Kendra for that one, She gave me the Bon Voyage expansion pack for my birthday (Thank you Kendra!!) and so sparked a renewal of my obsession. I heart the Sims games (in a masculine, macho kind of way, of course). After all, I can’t be a space pirate in real life, now can I? Nor will I ever be married or have kids in real life, but that sort of thing is much more fun when it can be turned off with the touch of a button.

Anyway, enough about virtual life. On to real life….. ….. …… Hmmm, I really need to get me one of those, don’t I?

I’m still unemployed and getting to the ‘desperate for work’ part of the program. I have less than a month of unemployment benefits left and then things get really messy. I’m also so poor that being able to afford orange juice when I went shopping this morning was a source of excitement. Oh yeah, I’m living it up and getting my citrus on. Whoo Hoo!

Yeahhhh, other than that, I got nothing. Hopefully, today’s paper will contain something good.

Today, at approximately twelve thirty pm, I officially enter my fortieth year of life, which means I have now lived a full decade longer than I ever intended to. It’s been an interesting decade. I’ve found love, traveled all the way across the country for that love, lost love, and moved back. I’ve returned to school, met new friends, both started and ended a new career, and finally discovered what I want to do in life.

I’ve grown a lot in the last decade, especially the past five years. I’ve stopped living just for the moment, for immediate pleasure without giving a damn for the consequences. Living for today is just fine, but tomorrow does come, and eventually the piper comes knocking for his pay. Live for today, but plan for tomorrow….. and remember, the path of least resistance always leads downhill.

I don’t have any regrets. The choices I made in the past forged me into the man I am today and, though there are certainly things in my life I want to improve upon, I like who I am. I have a loving family and good friends (both near and far) who truly care about me. With their support and a lot of hard work and dedication, I can make my life better than it ever has been.

So, here’s to four decades of life, to lessons learned, and to fighting the good fight. There’s something of a tradition in my family of having a 40th year meltdown. I am going to try to put a positive spin on that tradition and for my drastic fortieth year change, I have decided to take a vow of temperance. After today, and for the next year, no alcohol will pass my lips. I am doing this both for the health benefits and as a test of discipline….

…. Which, of course, means today I’ll be enjoying some good beer. I’ve already treated myself to gourmet coffee and bagels for breakfast.  I had planned on using my birthday money to take myself out tonight, but buying my new MP3 player took precedence over that, so it will be a mellow, but pleasant birthday celebration today.

When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to
see if it’s really dead.

If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery,
was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous
inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some
horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic
practices in your house move away immediately.

Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just
gone out.

If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language
which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a
voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately.
It will save you a lot of grief in the long run.  NOTE: It will
probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.

When you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off and go it
alone.

As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell

Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a
grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.

If you’re searching for something which caused a noise and find
out that it’s just the cat, leave the room immediately if you
value your life.

If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

Do not take anything from the dead.

If you find a town which looks deserted, it’s probably for a
reason. Take the hint and stay away.

Don’t fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you’re sure
you know what you are doing.

If you’re running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down
at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also
note that, despite  the fact that you are running and the
monster is merely shambling along, it’s still moving fast enough
to catch up with you.

If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes,
increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as
possible.

Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog
(you’re in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda
Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby
deserted-looking house to phone for help.

Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple
guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines,
lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any
device made from deceased companions.

~~~~

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She
got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party
alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued
and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and
there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without
pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party.
In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she
thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see
how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting
around on the dance floor, dancing with every woman he could,
and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife
sidled up to him and being a rather seductive woman herself, he
left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new
stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished since he was her
husband and she wanted the goods on him. Finally he whispered a
little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went
to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking
at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume
away and got into bed, ready to hammer him for whatever
explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind
of a time he had. He said, “Oh, the same old thing. You know I
never have a good time when you’re not there.”

Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”

He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When
I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we
went into the den and played poker all evening. But I’ll tell
you, I loaned my costume to your brother and he sure had a real
good time!”

So, yesterday pretty much sucked rocks. The frustration with my CD player set the tone for the whole day. Everything I did was way more complicated than it had to be and idiots abounded in my path. Now I know, intellectually, that a good part of it was the fact that I was already in a foul mood, so every minor irritation was magnified tenfold. Still, it was also one of those days. I went to Best Buy to replace my CD player ’cause I’ve always had pretty good luck with their products and their prices are generally good. However, after searching the entire store, I found all of one style of CD player available and that looked pretty damned similar to the piece of crap I was replacing. Not at all what I had in mind, so I decided to take the leap into the digital age and checked out the MP3 players they had. Luckily the price on those has come way down so I was able to find a nice little two gigabyte model for only twice what I’d hoped to spend. Still, two gigs is plenty for my needs and I have to admit, after using it at the gym this morning, that this thing is sweeeeet. I’ve got four hundred sixty songs on it. The sound is crystal clear and, on random play, each song segues smoothly into the other without any annoying lag while it decides what (and if) to play next. It was so nice to be able to just enjoy the music, let my mind drift, and get into my workout again. That’s something I just wasn’t able to do in the six months I was using that piece of crap Coby CD player. That’s COBY…. C…O…B…Y. Their products are garbage. Don’t buy their stuff.

Speaking of workouts, I’m pleased to report that I exercised 15 out of 31 days in October for a total of 20.1 hours. I went a distance of 52.5 miles and burned 15,750 calories which is the equivalent of 4.5 pounds of fat. I’m fairly pleased with myself on that and I plan on making November even better.