Monthly Archive

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Well, In a burst of optimism, I once again sent some pictures in to a stock photo company. This is a different place than the one who rejected me twice and they actually supplied some guidelines for the type of pictures they were looking for, as well as what they absolutely didn’t want. Unfortunately for me, flower and woodland pictures were at the top of that list. As I’ve said before, I really need to expand my repertoire.

**addendum**  Well, that was quick. Less than five hours to be rejected by this company. That’s a new record. Gotta face facts, ’tain’t no one willing to pay me for my photo work.

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Uhmmmm… What to blog?….. What to blog?

I just uploaded my 200th picture onto my Deviant Art account. I’ve been a member a month now, uploaded 200 pictures, and had over 800 views of my work. So, that’s pretty good. I still think I need more variety in my subject matter, but I’m a little low on resources to make that happen at the moment.

It’s really windy out today, windows rattling and the whole shebang. Windy days always remind me how much it sucked all those years I had to ride a mountain bike everywhere ’cause my license was suspended. Wind was the worst. It seemed like it was always in your face and you had to work twice as hard just to get anywhere. Rain wasn’t so bad. I just brought a change of clothes and a towel (all wrapped in plastic to stay dry) and changed when I got to wherever I was going. I actually enjoyed riding in thunderstorms, especially at night. The lightning flashing and the driving rain really got my adrenaline pumping. Snow was a pain mainly because it limited where I could ride, so I had to deal with traffic more….. And that was just the weather. Try doing your grocery shopping, then stuffing it all into a backpack and riding a bike three miles home or doing the same thing both ways to do your laundry. Yep, it sure gives me an appreciation of being able to climb in my little car and drive now. It sure puts the whole ‘car and insurance payment’ thing in perspective.

As far as the job search goes, not much to report. I tried to start the week with a positive attitude. You know, “This will be the week I find a new job” and all that positive affirmation crap, but that’s been slowly chipped away by reality. I’ll keep slogging along though. Something has to give eventually.

Thanks to all for the complimentary comments. I don’t have much to say at the moment, so I hope you’ll indulge me a few more pictures:

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Well, yesterday I got an intense hankerin’ to go out and take some new pictures. I hadn’t taken any since we had that ice storm almost two months ago. I went to one of the local parks and spent a very pleasant time taking pictures of ice formations in the stream. Then, in an effort to expand my horizons, I asked myself what I wouldn’t normally take pictures of. There was a playground in the park, so I tried to take some interesting pictures of that. Since it was winter, the place was pretty deserted, which was good for me. After all, they have names for guys who hang around playgrounds by themselves taking pictures, don’t they? Anyway, you can see all the pictures I took on my smugmug page, but I’ll post some of my favorites here:

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I took this one at the stream and then altered it a bit in Photoshop. Which one do you like better?

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This one is a macro of the ice. I really liked it, but I think tweaking it in Photoshop really made it pop:

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The stream under the ice was really beautiful too:

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And finally, here are some of the playground pictures:

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Free association is described as a “psychoanalytic procedure in which a person is encouraged to give free rein to his or her thoughts and feelings, verbalizing whatever comes into the mind without monitoring its content.” Over time, this technique is supposed to help bring forth repressed thoughts and feelings that the person can then work through to gain a better sense of self.

I say … and you think … ?

1. Booze ::Binge
2. Counter ::Strike
3. Action ::Hero
4. Trial ::By Fire
5. Wheelchair ::Ironside
6. 1-800 ::555-1212
7. Chop ::Hong Kong Phooey
8. Relatives ::Genes
9. Bed sheets ::Rumpled
10. Funnel ::Cake

Last night I was feeling pretty damned bored. I was in one of those moods where my usual entertainments felt very ‘been there/done that’. Since I can’t afford (and/or have sworn off of) any unusual entertainments at the moment, I turned in desperation to the television (Gaspers!). Of course, the few programs on that I liked were all repeats I’d seen at least a half dozen times, but then, as I delved far from my usual click pattern, I saw a show listed on the Logo channel featuring “the best in gay, lesbian, and trans gendered music videos”. I wasn’t even aware that this was a music category, so of course, I clicked in. I only caught a half hour of the show, but I enjoyed it far more than any other music television I’ve happened upon in recent memory. My favorite was an artist by the name of Josh Zuckerman and his music video for “Be Real” :

I’d never heard of this guy, but he’s really good and it turns out he’s a Jersey boy. If I had a spare $8.99, I’d download his CD from Amazon.com.

Another show Logo had on that caught my attention was ‘Alien Boot Camp‘ which is an eclectic collection of short films, animation, etc. It’s very bizarre and highly entertaining, if a bit heavy on the propaganda side. I also got a lot of entertainment from some of the commercials. There was one for a “Male Enhancement” product which had me rolling on the floor. One of the spokesmen comes on with the line, “My girlfriend gave me some (of the product) as a gift and now I’m a BIG fan”. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! The mental image I get of a guy opening that particular gift (from his girlfriend, no less!) is just priceless. If he wasn’t suffering from erectile dysfunction and/or performance anxiety before that, he sure would be afterwards. Hehehe, I can see the set up for it too. The girlfriend comes up to the guy, “Hey honey, you know how Miss Manners says that instead of telling someone they have bad breath, you should just offer them some gum? Well, in that spirit, I have something for you…..”

Oh yeah, most fun I’ve had watching television in a looong time

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Taken through my kitchen window late last night. I took a bunch of shots, but this is the best I came out with because:

1. My camera sucks at night pictures
2. My hand isn’t nearly steady enough to take low light pictures without a tripod
3. Deer do not cooperate with the whole “Just hold that pose while I get a picture” thing
4. Deer also tend to wander away from the window that you’re trying to take pictures through.

Deer also apparently like birdseed….. And my father thought he had enough problems with squirrels.

A Greek and an Italian were sitting in a Starbuck’s one day
discussing who had the superior culture.

Over triple lattes the Greek guy said, “Well, we have the
Parthenon.”

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replied, “We have the Coliseum.”

The Greek retorted, “We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.”

The Italian, nodded agreement, and said, “But we built the Roman
Empire.”

And so on and so on, until the Greek came up with what he thought
would end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he said,
“We Greeks invented sex!”

The Italian replied, “That is true, but it was the Italians who
introduced it to women.”

I’ve been teetering on the edge of depression all week. Part of me just wants to let go, leap even, and plunge so deep I never see light again. Most of me, however, damned well isn’t going to give the powers that be that satisfaction. it’s just that I’m so tired of fighting against the corroding mist that fills my life. It seems like no matter what I try, how much I struggle and claw to pull myself up or gain a handhold, everything just breaks apart and I slide even deeper into the hole. I had to borrow money from my dad yet again just to cover my bills, which puts him even farther into debt….. I don’t know. It feels like I’m right back where I was five years ago. That all going back to school accomplished was to give me student loans to pay off and all I got out of Cartridge World was a whopping car payment. I find myself brooding on the endless ‘what if’ cycle. What if I’d never even heard of Cartridge World? What if I’d gotten a real design job when I left school? What if those skills hadn’t been atrophying for the past three years? What if… If… Friggin’ IF!

Real productive thoughts, I know. As long as we’re wishing, I want a pony too. I made my decisions and I accept the consequences thereof. The reality is, I need some sort of income and I need it now. The time for being fussy about what my job is, is long past. I damned well don’t want to drag my dad into the pit along with me.

Meh, I’m not feeling very articulate today, so here’s some “streaming” pictures (Haha):

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Oh man, I have a severe case of the don’t wanna’s today. My butt is dragging more than a wet bag of concrete. Ugh and double ugh. I need coffee. Unfortunately, I don’t have any coffee, nor can I afford any. I have two whole dollars in my wallet, twenty nine cents (!) in the bank, and barely any income. On Friday, I should get paid for the two days I worked last week, but that will be less than a hundred dollars. Meanwhile, I have my car insurance payment due on Wednesday, my gym membership due on Friday, and a car payment on Saturday. Gee, I wonder why I’m not feeling more uplifted and energetic?

I’ve contemplated canceling my gym membership temporarily just to save a little money, but my workouts are about the only positive thing I have going that make me feel good. I’m just not willing to give that up. Meh, I should get my butt moving. Sitting here bitching isn’t going to solve anything.

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Free association is described as a “psychoanalytic procedure in which a person is encouraged to give free rein to his or her thoughts and feelings, verbalizing whatever comes into the mind without monitoring its content.” Over time, this technique is supposed to help bring forth repressed thoughts and feelings that the person can then work through to gain a better sense of self.

I say … and you think … ?

1. President ::Dumbass
2. Stare ::Blankly
3. Embrace ::Change
4. Movie ::Tickets
5. Everything ::Ends
6. Profile ::Silhouette
7. Satire ::Funny
8. Erratic ::Performance
9. Costume ::Jewelry
10. Secretary ::Dictation

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~~~~~

An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.

“What are you so happy about?” asks the barman.
“Well, I’ll tell you,” replies the ugly man. “You know I live by
the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed
a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the films. I, of course,
went and cut her free and took her back to my place.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made
love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top,
sometimes her on top, every position I could get her into!”

“Fantastic!” exclaimed the barman. “You lucky bastard, was she
pretty?”

“Dunno. Never found her head.”

…. And here I sit,  jobless again. That was quick, wasn’t it? Today was my first day out on my own. The weather was much better than yesterday, a little snow, but just sprinkles, nothing bad. I started out feeling hopeful, energetic even, and jumped right into knocking on doors and giving the ‘rap’ about global warming. Long story short, I knocked on one hundred eight doors, talked to fifty nine actual people…. and managed to get a whopping thirty seven dollars in donations. The absolute minimum you’re supposed to get in your first day is one hundred ten dollars. So, when we got back to New Brunswick and did the tallies and paperwork, I got the ‘we don’t think this job is a good fit for you’ speech. Actually, “We don’t think this job is a good fit for you” pretty much was the speech…. and that was it. One day of training. One day out on my own. So sad, too bad, bye bye.

To say I’m frustrated and disappointed would be a severe understatement.

Well, my first night of canvassing was done in the rain, just a light drizzle to make you damp and cold, but I actually enjoyed being out in the weather as opposed to stuck in a retail store. I did a lot of walking, knocked on many doors, talked to thirty different people, and managed to collect all of forty five dollars in donations in the two hours I was sent out on my own. According to my trainer and a couple of other people, that’s pretty good for a first night. I got very nervous at the first person I talked to, but after that, I was fine and actually enjoying some of the interaction.

The people I’m working with are much more interesting than anyone I dealt with at Cartridge World. On the train ride to our canvassing location, conversation ranged from movies to ancient religions and back again. Heh, not a football or sports reference to be found, I liked that. All in all, it was a good experience and I enjoyed it. Tonight, I’ll be canvassing independently for the whole shift, so we’ll see how that goes. I’m actually feeling optimistic about it.

Well, I’m gearing up for my ‘Observation Day’ today and feeling pretty happy that the killer snow storm they were predicting turned out to be just a little drizzle. I’m feeling anticipation about today, but I’m not really nervous. I’m hoping that’s a good sign. The more I’ve read about what I’ll be doing, the more I’m sure I can do this…. and I might even enjoy it. One thing I have to remember is that I’m not there to debate or convert anyone who’s dead set against the cause. It’s “This is who we are. This is what we’re doing. Would you like to help by becoming a member and/or contributing?” No is no. Thanks for your time and move on…… That’s easy enough and the quota you’re expected to meet is definitely doable. I’m also looking forward to meeting the people I’ll be working with. It shouldn’t be all middle aged businessmen this time. That should be refreshing. All in all, I’m looking forward to this.

Meanwhile, here some pretty pictures for those who did get hit with snow and for anyone who might be experiencing the winter blahs:

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Free association is described as a “psychoanalytic procedure in which a person is encouraged to give free rein to his or her thoughts and feelings, verbalizing whatever comes into the mind without monitoring its content.” Over time, this technique is supposed to help bring forth repressed thoughts and feelings that the person can then work through to gain a better sense of self.

I say … and you think … ?

1. Dream big ::Try hard
2. Competition ::Dance
3. Torn ::Sneakers
4. Modeling ::Clay
5. Coaster ::Mug
6. Slut ::Bimbo
7. Spread ::Cheese
8. Amanda ::Hugnkiss
9. Romance ::Sex
10. Paradise ::Island

I am pleased to announce that I am returning to the ranks of the gainfully employed. Starting Monday, I shall be working as an activist for one of the oldest grassroots environmental organizations in the US. I’m not going to mention them by name for obvious reasons, but I’ll be doing canvassing for their global warming campaign, talking to people about environmental issues, and soliciting donations. I’m excited because this is something I believe in and it will be very nice to do something meaningful for a change. I’m not all that keen on the going door to door part of it, but training and experience should help me with that. I’ll be using a lot of the same skills I learned doing retail, just taking it to people’s houses instead of them coming to the store… and at least I’m selling something better than vacuum cleaners. The money isn’t great, but no one gets rich working for a non-profit organization. Money’s not what I’m about anyway and I’m way more enthusiastic about this that I’ve been about any potential job in quite a while.

Also, with the “leadership experience” I’ve had in running a retail store and training people, they want me to meet with the regional director and see about fast tracking me into one of their long term management positions. That would mean running and organizing my own team, which would be very cool…. not to mention it would also mean health benefits and the like. Imagine being able to go to a doctor when I’m sick! That’s just crazy talk! The hours are good too…at least for me. I’ll be working from two in the afternoon ’til ten at night, which means I’ll be able to  keep my morning workout schedule as well as not having to deal with rush hour traffic. That’s good because we’re based out of New Brunswick, close to my old job in Piscataway, and I hated that commute.

Heh, in a way, I feel like I’m coming full circle. This is the sort of thing I pictured myself doing when I fist went to school wayyyy back when I was twenty. I majored in Ecology and Environmental Technology then, and I wanted to save the world, but I lost my financial aid due to Reagonomics and my parents divorce. Maybe the side path I started down then is connecting with the main road again. Different spot with a much different view, but…..

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The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with
picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple
and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for
swimming when it was built.

One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look
it over. He hadn’t been there for a while. He grabbed a five
gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with
glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women
skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he made the women
aware of his presence.

At once, they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you
leave.”

The old man frowned, “I did not come down here to watch you young
ladies swim naked, or to make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding up the bucket, he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”

Because I felt like posting something pretty:

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So, my mind has been turning on relationships the past couple of days. Go figure, eh? I’ve had a few long distance relationships over the years, probably more than my share. Most fell into the casual ‘just two people having fun’ category, while a couple were more intense, and of course, the one that I moved all the way to Seattle to pursue. While I don’t regret any of them, I definitely would not pursue another. Even in a best case scenario, one of you will have to sacrifice the life you’ve built, say goodbye to family and friends, to be with the other. In most cases, it turns out to be more of a fantasy than a relationship. A few hours on the phone, an e-mail, some time in a chat room just isn’t the same as looking across the table at somebody as you share a meal or holding hands as you sit on a blanket enjoying an outdoor concert. Its like cotton candy (bear with me), tasty in your mouth when you have it, but not leaving you full and satisfied when you’re done. There’s no…. substance to it.

So then, why have I had them? Well, for one, momentary sweetness is better than nothing…. Up to a point. For another, I have two great weaknesses (that I’m willing to admit), wounded doves and unavailable women. Also, as long as I’m being honest and introspective here, I think having that physical distance makes it easier for me to let someone get emotionally close….. Which is yet another thing I’m working on improving. There has to be a compromise between “real, but causal” and “apart, but intimate”.

Yeah, deep thoughts for the middle of the week.

So, for the past few days I’ve found myself thinking about Lilly a lot (Short version for those new to our program: Long distance relationship that lasted about a year with online chatting and talking on the phone on a nearly daily basis. It ended when she broke down and confessed that everything she’d told me about herself and her situation was a lie), idle thoughts mostly, reliving snippets of conversations and wondering how she’s doing. So last night, being a self-flagellation kind of guy, I opened my e-mail archives ( ’cause I save pretty much everything) to re-read the last couple of e-mails we exchanged. Imagine my shock when I looked at the date on the e-mail and realized it was exactly a year to the day that we said goodbye. I swear I didn’t consciously know that until I saw the date, but I guess that explains her popping into my head again, eh?

Sometimes I wish I could pull my brain out of my head and give it one good punch.

So, here’s one for the misfiring braincells file. Last night I dreamed that I was out taking pictures of a herd of deer in a large field (and getting some fantastic shots, I might add), when I noticed a hunter bracing himself and lining up a on a deer. I dropped my camera and launched myself at him, slamming into him just as the gun went off, causing him to miss.  All the deer started to run. The hunter cursed at me and started chasing them. I, of course, jumped up and started chasing the hunter. He stopped to draw a bead on another deer, I slammed into him (again) just as the gun went off, and the chase resumed. In dreamland, apparently, fleeing deer are very slow. Slow enough that two running human beings can keep up with them. There was a repeating sequence for a while of the deer running, the hunter stopping to aim, and me slamming into him just as the gun went off. Then it was curse, chase, and repeat. Then, just to spice things up, the deer went running into a housing development that was still under construction. The houses were all at that stage where the framework is done and they’re just beginning to put the walls up. So now, the deer are running around and through the houses with the hunter chasing after them, trying to get a good shot, and me pursuing the hunter, foiling him at the last moment every time. After one last slam, the hunter finally had enough and turned the gun towards me….. and that’s when I woke up.

So, I’m wondering what the hell that little dream sequence was supposed to mean. It seems fraught with symbolic meaning, but I have no idea what my subconscious is trying to say. Any suggestions?

Free association is described as a “psychoanalytic procedure in which a person is encouraged to give free rein to his or her thoughts and feelings, verbalizing whatever comes into the mind without monitoring its content.” Over time, this technique is supposed to help bring forth repressed thoughts and feelings that the person can then work through to gain a better sense of self.

I say … and you think … ?

1. Mist ::Take
2. Eating ::Disorder
3. Beacon ::Shining
4. Speaker ::Booming
5. Episodes ::Repeat
6. Conference ::Call
7. Sneak attack ::Ninja!
8. Medic ::I don’t make house calls
9. Web ::Weave
10. 2008 ::Started well

This week’s Funny is dedicated to Circe and her faux marble floors:

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Dressed in Black Comics are not for the fainthearted. Go check ‘em out.

… Oh no, wait, it was just New Year’s Morning.

I tell you, if you want to know what it feels like to be the last person on earth, go to a gym at six thirty am on New Year’s Day. I drove in and there were no other cars on the road. (Of course, my gym is just about a mile from my house, but anyway…) When I got there, there were about a half dozen cars in the parking lot, but no one was in sight when I walked in. It was kinda spooky. everything was on and I could hear a bunch of little machine whirs and beeps that you don’t notice when there are people around. The music was on, but no one was working out, no conversations happening, just nothing but myself reflected in the mirrors.

Call me weird, but I found the solitude very enjoyable, not that it will last. Soon, there will be swarms of people with shiny new resolutions descending on my peaceful gym. They come every year, like locusts only sweaty. The good thing is that most of them don’t last more than a month. Those resolutions don’t stay shiny for long. Me, I’m in it for the long haul. I’ll out last the lot of ‘em….

In other news, I finally made a decision on my photo-blog. I shall no longer be updating my Diaryland site. Instead, I’ve opened a Deviant Art account, which can be found by clicking this:

I’ve uploaded about twenty five pictures so far and received several nice comments as well as people adding my work to their favorites. It’s very gratifying, especially since my Diaryland site never got much response. I may also open a photo-blog here on WordPress since Deviant Art only allows members to comment, but for now, I’m content.