Monthly Archive

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I had forgotten to get my estrogen patch prescription re-
filled, and soon the symptoms of menopause–hot flashes,
forgetfulness and irritability returned.

At the drugstore, I found myself telling the pharmacist all
about my problems. After listening patiently, he asked, “So,
how many people asked you to get this refilled?

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Another good idea is to go check out ‘Not From Concentrate‘ for more comics.

How Old where you when……

1. Fell in love (real love, not that ‘Okay, I dated my high-school crush and broke up three seconds later’ thing)?: 33

2. Got a MySpace account - 37 (The sad part is I know this because the first comment I ever got on MySpace is still on the frontpage)

3. Smoked weed - 12 or 13

4. Got French kissed - I honestly don’t remember

5. Went to the hospital for surgery - I never had surgery

6. Got your heart broken badly - 34

8. Got arrested - I got busted for shoplifting before I was in high school, if that counts. I actually was cuffed and went to jail back when I was 23 or so.

9. Smoked a Cigarette - Tried it in my mid-teens, threw up for an hours, decided it wasn’t for me

10. Broke your first bone - Hmmm, nose broken in a car accident when I was 15 or 16

11. Went to a concert - As a kid, music was big in my family.

12. Got your own cell phone - 39

13. Got a speeding ticket - Uhmmmm, speeding, not just any ticket? Fist one I can remember was while going to Gibbs, so 36 or 37

14. Ran away - I’ve been running away my whole life

16. Snuck out of the house - Never had to

17. Pierced other than your ears - Not for me, nope

18. Got a tattoo - Again, not my thing

19. Totaled a car - 16, while practicing driving… in our own driveway… Hit the gas instead of the brakes

20. Moved out of your parent house - 20… the first time

21. How old are you now - 40

22. Had a kid? - Never, ever, ever

*Stolen from Toki

Not much to say at the moment. I’ll let music convey my mood:

YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO USE MY ANSWERS!!!!!! GOOD LUCK!!!

1. Name something you use in the shower?
Back scrubber

2. Name something a football player wears under his uniform?
Tighty Whities

3. Name something people hate to find on their windshield.
Parking ticket

4. Name something a man might buy before a date?
Breath Spray

5. What’s another word for blemish?
Pimple

6. Something you’d cook in the microwave?
Popcorn

7. Name a piece of furniture people need help moving.
Sofa bed

8. Name a reason a younger man might like an older woman?
More ‘open minded’ (know what I mean? nudge-nude, wink-wink, say no more)

9. Name something a dog does that embarrasses its owner.
Sniffs inappropriate places

10. Name a kind of test you cannot study for.
Sobriety

11. Name something a boy scout gets a badge for?
Eating Brownies… No, wait… I mean Identifying Plants

12. Name a phrase with the word ‘Home’ in it?
Home is where the heart is.

13. Name a sport where players lose teeth?
Nascar (though that may just be the fans, I’m not sure)

14. Name something a teacher can do to ruin a student’s day?
Catch them passing notes and reading them to the class

15. What is a way you can tell someone has been crying?
Their face gets all puffy

16. Name something found under a car?
People who don’t use the crosswalk

17. Name a bird you wouldn’t want to eat?
Avienne’s (because A: I just wouldn’t and B: She’d hurt me [badly])

18. Name something that gets folded?
Origami

19. Name what happened to this question?
Muttered something about Tijuana and ran out the door

20. Name something that gets smaller the more you use it?
My bank account

*Stolen from Avienne

Free association is described as a “psychoanalytic procedure in which a person is encouraged to give free rein to his or her thoughts and feelings, verbalizing whatever comes into the mind without monitoring its content.” Over time, this technique is supposed to help bring forth repressed thoughts and feelings that the person can then work through to gain a better sense of self.

I say … and you think … ?

1. Protocol ::Diplomatic
2. Girlfriends ::Drama
3. Shoulders ::Broad
4. Coming home ::Running Away
5. Let it in ::Get it out
6. Honor ::Pride
7. Tyler ::Chicken
8. Thriller ::Goosebumps
9. Angela::Ashes
10. The winner is ::Going to Disneyland!

On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the underground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them.
“What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?” I joked.

“It would go out,” he replied very matter-of-factly.

“Really?” I asked, surprised to hear that. “Is there a lack
of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?”

“No,” my co-worker continued. “The force from the explosion would blow out the match.”
~~

Felix was playing golf with our town’s fire chief when he hit a ball into the rough. As Felix headed for the brush to find his ball, the chief warned, “Be careful, the rattlesnakes are out.”

The chief explained that calls had been coming in all week requesting assistance with removing the snakes.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Felix replied in astonishment.”People actually call you to help them with rattlesnakes? What do you say to them?”

“Well,” said the chief, “the first thing I ask is, ‘Is it on fire?’”

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Well, to the surprise and shock of no one, I did not get the photographer job I interviewed for. They decided to go with someone who had more action photography experience, which I can’t really fault them for, since I have none. What I find annoying is that I had to chase them to find out I didn’t get the job. From what I understood, they had all of three applicants. How hard is it to drop an e-mail to the other two saying, “So sorry, but we decided to go with someone else. Thanks for your interest.”? This happens in every job I’ve interviewed for. You go to the interview and they say something like “We’ll make our decision by the end of the week. Either way, you’ll have an answer by then”. The end of the week comes and, if you’re not the applicant they go with, you hear nothing. Really, that’d be fine if they’d just said “If you don’t hear from us by the end of the week, you didn’t get the job.”, but no, they leave you twisting. You think maybe there was a delay, so they won’t decide until Monday. You have to decide how much time to give them before you contact them and ask. I friggin‘ hate that. Just tell me! I can take rejection. The gods know I’m certainly used to it by now. It’s the uncertainty that gets to me, having hope and cynicism fighting a little war in my brain for a couple of days.

Meh. Ah well, back to the want ads.

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This is about the most bizarre things I’ve ever seen:

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This is a sculpture I did for my 3D art class back when I went to Gibbs. As you can see, I did a craptacular job on it, but I think I ended up getting an “A” anyhow. The teacher was extremely kind with grades. I think anyone who completed the project and made an honest effort at it got an “A”. Luckily, he didn’t deduct for lack of talent. Anyway, it’s been sitting on top of my bookshelf for the last three years and, obviously, it’s never been dusted. I think all the cobwebs add a little something, don’t you?

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So, I was bored, my camera was handy, and I just happen to have this dagger….. for decoration, of course. So, I snapped a few pictures, just to experiment and fool around. Some of them came out fairly cool.

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After taking this one, I had the thought that a picture of it actually cutting me would look awesome….. Then I had the thought that I’m really not that dedicated.

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Free association is described as a “psychoanalytic procedure in which a person is encouraged to give free rein to his or her thoughts and feelings, verbalizing whatever comes into the mind without monitoring its content.” Over time, this technique is supposed to help bring forth repressed thoughts and feelings that the person can then work through to gain a better sense of self.

I say … and you think … ?

1. Passport ::Travel
2. Small world ::After All (Great, now that damn song is stuck in my head)
3. Radio ::Rock!
4. Marine ::Biology
5. Wall ::Flower
6. Wanna be ::Rockstar
7. Pigtails ::Inkwell*
8. Hyphen ::-ated
9. 9.99 ::999999999999999(repeating forever)
10. Unrated ::DVD

*I’d like to point out that I am not so old that I remember when school desks had inkwells in them and little boys would dip girls pigtails in the ink as a prank. I do, however, have a very weird brain, so that’s what popped into my head at the mention of pigtails.

“The next great civilization to arise was Ancient Greece,
which came up with an exciting new governing concept
called “democracy,” from the Greek words dem, meaning
“everybody gets to vote,” and ocracy, meaning “except, of
course women, slaves and poor people.” -Dave Barry

“The government announced that some voters will be allowed
to vote online. That’s going to be a tough choice: democracy
or porn…democracy or porn.” -Craig Ferguson

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Go visit Sinfest for more laughs.

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**Comics courtesy of Girls With Slingshots. Go check it out!**

As I recently commented over on Lez’s blog, it’s not the holiday itself that annoys me so much as the ads you get bombarded by beforehand. All the commercials assume that since I have a penis, I am totally clueless and unable to fathom the concept of romance. They’re all basically saying “Fake it with a big ol’ diamond, stupid” Or “You know you’ve been a dumbass all year. Make up for it by spending lots of money!”

Meh, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if the only reason you’re making the gesture is because of a date on the calendar, the biggest diamond in the world is just a shiny rock. Personally, I think a single dandelion plucked as you go about your day and given “just because I was thinking of you” means far more.

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…. Is it always going to snow when I have a job interview? ‘Cause the last time it snowed, I had an interview with the job I held for all of two days. Then today, I got the call for another interview and it started snowing within an hour. If I stay unemployed until, say, July that’s just going to get weird.

On a more positive note, I HAD A JOB INTERVIEW TODAY!!!! For a photography position and everything!! W00T! It would only be part time on the weekends, but it sounds like an excellent opportunity. I’d be taking pictures of the competitors at dance competitions, so it would be a great chance to learn about action photography and expand my skills. The interview went very well, so I think I have a real shot at getting it. Can you tell I’m excited?! It feels real good to be excited about a potential job for a change.

Ebeh-eh. Glorkshamin fibbersnap. Gazootle!

Must…. make…. brain….work….!!!

Yeahhhhh, so… uhmmmm… Here we are. If you think this blog entry is random, you should try being inside my head. This has been a mixed up day. On the good side, my friend Terri is going over my resume and tweaking it for me. Since she has muuuch more on the ball than I do, I’m thinking this will help. She’s also given several helpful hints on the job hunt which will hopefully shake things up a bit. Another good thing is that there were several ads for photographer’s assistants today, all of which I responded to. They’re all part time, but I’m certainly willing to juggle a couple of part time jobs at this point. Besides, I figure employers are more willing to take a chance on someone inexperienced for a weekend gig than for something full time. So, we’ll see if anything comes from that.

I also had the fun experience of going to the local food pantry for a handout this morning. My healthy eating plan is certainly going into the toilet for the next couple of weeks. There are now more high fat, sugary snacks in the house than there have probably been in the past year. Still, can’t be choosy when you’re a charity case, can you? I met some interesting people too, like the woman who had a court date this week for disorderly conduct. Apparently, she thought some cops were going to hurt a guy they were arresting, so she went over to make sure they didn’t and ended up getting cited for interfering with the arrest. Imagine that! Then there was another woman who had to go to court for a DUI, which she thought was ironic because she “never really drinks”. She said this while reeking of alcohol at nine thirty in the morning, mind you. Yeesh.

Ah well, even more incentive for me to find a damned job, eh?

Free association is described as a “psychoanalytic procedure in which a person is encouraged to give free rein to his or her thoughts and feelings, verbalizing whatever comes into the mind without monitoring its content.” Over time, this technique is supposed to help bring forth repressed thoughts and feelings that the person can then work through to gain a better sense of self.

I say … and you think … ?

1. Score ::Points
2. Luxurious ::Apartment
3. Party ::Hearty
4. Limited edition ::Expensive
5. Security ::Blanket
6. Betty ::Boop
7. Under construction ::Highway
8. Pest ::Squish
9. Director ::Clown
10. Express ::Emotions

Well, I am now officially a leech on you hard working, gainfully employed people out there. I met with a case worker yesterday about going on welfare. Words cannot fully express the joy I feel at having my very own case worker. The good news is that between food stamps and the local food pantry, I don’t have to worry about starving to death any time soon. The bad news is that the cash allowance for a single male with no dependents is a whopping one hundred forty dollars per month. That’s not even a drop in the bucket for my student loan and car payments. Also, my hope that there would be some sort of education or training program was shattered quite completely. Now, if I was mentally unstable (quiet you!), addicted to drugs, or the victim of domestic abuse, there are all kinds of programs I could get into. Maybe I should boot some black tar heroin and have my dad whack me a few times with an ax handle.

I did get some kudos from the cute, young intern who interviewed me on maintaining my Vow of Temperance and my overall health campaign. Heh, I bet I’m one of the healthiest welfare recipients in the state. Yay me. Since I’m so healthy, climbing out of this back pit of despair should be no problem, right?

Yeah, need a job, any job, and I need it now.

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During a good manners and etiquette class, the teacher says
to her students, “If you were courting a well educated young
girl from a prominent family, and during a dinner for two
you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?”

Mike replies, “Wait a minute, I’m going to take a piss.”

The teacher says, “That would be very rude and improper on
your part.”

Johnny replied, “Sorry, but I need to go to the toilet. I’ll
be back in a minute.”

The teacher says, “That’s much better but to mention the word
‘toilet’ during a meal, is unpleasant.”

So Charlie says, “My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I
have to go shake hands with a personal friend whom I hope to
be able to introduce you to after dinner.”

Today is the New Jersey primary and I have just returned from voting (among other things), so bear with me while I spout on about politics. Don’ worry, this won’t become a habit.

There are those who will tell you it is the job of our government officials to enact laws, protect and guide the country. etc. This is a lie. The primary job of a politician is to get elected. Once elected, they then focus on getting re-elected. Any law passing and such is, at best, a sideline. At worst, it’s something they do to further their re-election goals. Sure, there are those who get into politics because they truly want to make a difference. Unfortunately, by the time they get into a position with enough influence to make a real change, they have too much invested in the system to want to change it. It’s a corrupt system that feeds on itself and gets hungrier every year. Eventually, it will reach the crisis point and either break down completely or burn off the dead wood and remake itself into something stronger. My bet is on the complete breakdown. (See, now you understand why I don’t talk about politics very often)

We haven’t reached the crisis point yet though, so this year we have to decide on a new leader. When I decide on a candidate, I don’t much listen to the speeches. Speeches mean nothing because it isn’t the politician speaking. It’s words crafted by professional writers tailored to tell you what you want to hear and then put into the candidates mouth. So, I don’t really listen to what they say, but I watch how they say it. I look into their eyes to see what’s there, hoping for a glint of intelligence and a spark of humor. I also watch when they’re not the ones speaking. You can learn a lot about a politician by watching what they do when the focus isn’t on them. Are they listening to whoever is speaking or are they just waiting (impatiently) until it’s their turn to talk again? Are they focused on what’s going on or are they whispering with an adviser? Do they laugh spontaneously or is there that little pause while they decide if it’s something they should be laughing at? In short, I try to see the human being beneath the polished political shell.

Anyway, that’s what I do and those are my opinions. Yours may (and probably do) differ, but that’s one of the good things about this country, the diversity. We now return you to my normal blabbering.

Free association is described as a “psychonanalytic procedure in which a person is encouraged to give free rein to his or her thoughts and feelings, verbalizing whatever comes into the mind without monitoring its content.” Over time, this technique is supposed to help bring forth repressed thoughts and feelings that the person can then work through to gain a better sense of self.

I say … and you think … ?

1. What women want ::Clueless
2. Epidemic ::Spending
3. Taxes ::Fraud
4. Hello ::I love you. Won’t you tell me your name?
5. Confidential ::Disclosure
6. Lights ::Camera, Action!
7. Summation ::Legal
8. Hard feelings ::Unforgiving
9. Electric ::Boogaloo
10. Fresh start ::New Place

“If you ask me, this country could do with a little less
motivation. The people who are causing all the trouble seem
highly motivated to me. Serial killers, stock swindlers,
drug dealers, Christian Republicans. I’m not sure that
motivation is always a good thing. You show me a lazy prick
lying in bed all day watching TV, and I’ll show you a guy
who’s not causing any trouble.” -George Carlin

~~~

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it
will always be yours. If it doesn’t come back, it was never
yours to begin with.

But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your
stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your
money, and doesn’t appear to realize that you had set it
free….you either married it or gave birth to it.