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“The big mistake men make is that when they turn thirteen or
fourteen and all of a sudden they’ve reached puberty they
believe that they like women. Actually, you’re just horny.
It doesn’t mean you like women any more at 21 than you did
at ten.” –Jules Feiffer
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*Comics unabashedly stolen from Least I Could Do And Sinfest. Go check ‘em out!
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*Questionable Content, always snarky, always fun!
~~~~~
One night my friend John and I were sitting at a bar where
he used to work, when an attractive woman, a former co-
worker, came in and sat next to him. She told him she had
just had a fight with her husband, a police officer, and
needed to get out of the house for a while.
They had been talking for a few minutes when, as a joke,
I leaned over to John. “Don’t look now,” I whispered,
“but a guy about six-five just walked in. And he’s got
a gun.”
Without hesitating, John turned to me. “Quick, Ed,” he
said, “kiss me on the mouth!”
A new couple were making love in the dunes. When they were
done he said, “How lucky for us that you brought a condom
with you.”
She said, “We’re even luckier than you think because I found
it here in the sand.”
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*Shamelessly stolen from Commissioned
~~~~
George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding
Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the
hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a
very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off.
Harriet objected, “George, that young woman was nice, and you
were so rude.”
“Harriet, she’s a prostitute.”
“I don’t believe you. That sweet young thing?”
“Let’s go up to our room and I’ll prove it.”
In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for
‘Bambi’ to come to room 1217.
“Now,” he said, “you hide in the bathroom with the door open
just enough to hear us, OK?”
Soon, there was a knock on the door. George opened it and Bambi
walked in, swirling her hips provocatively.
George asked, “How much do you charge?”
“$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services.”
Even George was taken aback. “$125! I was thinking more in the
range of $25.”
Bambi laughed derisively, “You must really be a hick if you
think you can buy sex for that price.”
“Well,” said George, “I guess we can’t do business. Goodbye.”
After she left, Harriet came out of the bathroom. She said, “I
just can’t believe it!”
George said, “Let’s forget it. We’ll go have a drink, then eat
dinner.”
At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Bambi came up behind
George, pointed slyly at Harriet, and said, “See what you get
for $25?”
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-
boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the ‘T’
shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said
softly, ‘You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!’
My eyes lit up and I thought, ‘I am either still dreaming
or this is goin to be my lucky day!’
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then
gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards, she said, ‘Thanks,’ and returned to the stove,
her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, ‘What was that all
about?’
She explained, ‘The egg timer’s broken.’
~~~
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*Shamelessly stolen from Questionable Content
Being married or single is a choice we all have to make.
It’s not a great choice…it’s sort of like when the doctor
says, “Ointment or suppositories?”
A young couple get married. As the husband is an avid
golfer, the wife decides to take up golf so she can spend
more time with him.
Knowing nothing about it, she goes to the pro for lessons.
The pro was busy and advised her to get a bucket of balls
and practice until he was through with his present client.
“But I don’t even know how to hold the clubs” The pro says,
“Just hold it like you would your husband’s penis.”
Some time later, the pro approaches the driving range to
see the woman driving the ball a fair distance. He says,
“Not bad, but lets take the club out of your mouth.”
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