Category Archive

….. See what happens? I get a new job and my updates go right down the crapper.

The new job continues to go well. Starting next week, I’m going to get further training so I can actually be left in charge of the store all by my little lonesome. More responsibility will, hopefully, translate into more money as well. I’m still actually enjoying the work, some parts not so much, but for the most part, I’m busy and happy. The store itself is doing great. We’ve exceeded the expectations of the main office and even outsold the busiest store in the district (so far). This all with a new crew of mostly new hires. It’s been chaotic at times, but I thrive in chaos.

Yep, at this point, I really have no complaints. Kinda scary, isn’t it? If I keep my motivation high and keep doing the kind of job I’ve been doing, I can work my way up in this company fairly quickly. There’s already been mention of Assistant Manager possibilities in the near future, which is really encouraging. I think I may be able to attain that within six months.

The real trick is keeping my motivation high. I know I can DO the work. I just can’t let myself get bored and start slacking off. So far, bored hasn’t been a problem, but I’ve been working here less than a month. I’m really working at changing my usual patterns though. Day by day, I will succeed.

Ok. Well, where to start? I am feeling totally friggin’ psyched at the moment. The new job is going very well. As in, I’ve been there less than a week and they’re already going to promote me! The new store had it’s grand opening last night and my name is posted as Shift Leader for all to see. Hopefully, that will translate into my paycheck as well, but I might have to actually finish my training before it’s official. Still, it feels really good to know my hard work is appreciated.

I went into this thinking that it was absolutely going to suck. I didn’t want to stay in retail and I certainly didn’t want to work in a convenience store, but I needed a job, any job. So, when I got this one, I decided I had two choices; I could whine and complain that it wasn’t what I wanted to be doing and do the bare minimum I needed to do to get by, or I could be a professional about it, do my best and see where that got me. I decided to do my best and, so far, it’s really paid off. I’ve been getting positive feedback from everyone I’ve been working with, both management and my co-workers. Samples of compliments I’ve been getting are:

“It’s fun to train you because you’re interested and really want to learn“

“You know what I love about you? You’re always so optimistic and upbeat“

(From the grand opening) “This is a guy to watch. He’s been circulating through the crowd and getting pictures of everyone and everything“

Hell, the head of the human resources department wants copies of everything I took and he might put them into the company newsletter. Heh, I’m really hoping that my pictures are comparable to the ones the professional photographer that was hired for the event took. The company is opening a bunch of new stores in the near future, so who knows where it could lead.

Part of the reason I’m so enthusiastic is that it appears that I’ve fallen in with a really good company, one that actually cares about it’s employees and doesn’t just give lip service to the whole “We consider ourselves a family” line you always hear. For one, I’ll be getting a great benefit package once I’ve been there for a hundred twenty days, but it really shows in some of the little things they do. Like, they send secret shoppers into each store three times a quarter. If your store gets over ninety points on their little checklist, the whole store team (not just the crew that’s working) gets a fifty dollar bonus. I’ve never heard of a company that rewards everyone like that. Also, everything they told me when they first hired me has been followed up on. I can’t tell you how refreshing that is after the bundle of lies I was fed at Cartridge World.

As for the work itself, I actually enjoyed working the register and at the coffee stations, but working in the deli is definitely not one of my favorite things. The stores are very busy and a bit hectic, but I’d rather be active and challenged than bored. Boredom has always been my worst enemy. I know part of my enthusiasm is due to that fact that I haven’t worked in a year and the bloom will go off the rose eventually, but I’m working very hard at maintaining a positive attitude and doing things the right way.

All in all, I truly feel like I’ve hit a turning point and, if I keep my end up, I can really go places with this company. Time will tell.

Well, here we are at the start of a new month. Today is the six month mark in my one year Vow of Temperance and I’m happy to say that I’m still going strong. No alcohol has passed my lips since my fortieth birthday. I’m not even feeling any particular urge to drink at this point. That’s certainly a change from my old habits. Take today, for example. It’s a rainy, cold Saturday. I have the house to myself and no responsibilities to take care of. My default on days like this would be to get a twelve pack of beer and a bottle of something harder, then spend the day watching movies, playing video games and getting schnockered. Not only am I not doing that, but I’m not even fighting the urge. I just have better things to do and I don’t need to wake up tomorrow feeling like crap. It’s kind of a nice change.

In other news, I’m working on getting back on track with my exercise program. My workouts have been too spastic the past few months. I’d spend a couple of days beating the crap out of myself,  miss a week recovering, then feel like I need to make that up and over do it all over again. I need better frequency and more consistency, so my goal for this month is to do less intense workouts more often. I’m going to stick to cardio, no weight training for one month, but an hour of cardio a day for six days a week. I’ll alternate days, so I’ll do Treadmill and Stairmaster one day, then the Rotex and Cardio wave the next. That way I won’t be doing the same thing all the time. I’m also going to start posting my weekly workout results in my blog again to help with motivation.

Sounds like a plan, eh? Now if I could just find a friggin’ job, I’d be set.

In an explosion of originality, I’ll be reviewing my year. Try not to be overwhelmed by my awesomeness.

Well, let’s see…. How about we start with fitness? I worked out on 90 out of the past 365 days, which translates to one day in four being a workout day. Vast room for improvement there. I exercised for a grand total of 143 hours, covering 317 miles, and burning 107,800 calories, which is the equivalent of 30.8 pounds of fat. That’s all good. I’m also proud to say that my body fat percentage is at the lowest it’s ever been since I started keeping track of it. That means the changes I’ve made to my eating (and drinking) habits are working. I just need to strengthen my resolve and be more consistent on my workout schedule.

Financially, I’m totally in the crapper. I lost my job back in June and have yet to find any sort of employment. I have all of seventy dollars in the bank and no income. Finding a job has to be my highest priority at the moment.  On the plus side, I’ve made good progress in improving my photography and set my long term sights on pursuing it as a career. I’ve managed to make it to the finals in one photography contest and had my picture published in their annual. Definitely a good thing there.

Relationship-wise, I’ve made some new friends online and kept good friends offline. I’ve tried to be there for those who’ve needed me, with varying degrees of success, and I’ve managed to avoid doing anything (too) stupid to strain the relationships that truly matter. What mistakes I did make have been addressed and resolved, hopefully to everyones satisfaction. While I have no one in my life romantically, I’m also not feeling all that strong a desire for someone. There’s just too much to fix in my life right now before I’d be comfortable offering myself to someone. I have to be right with myself before I’m right for anyone else.

So, that’s where I’m at right now. All in all, I’m satisfied with the progress I’ve made this year. There’s definitely room for improvement, but I’m confident that I’ll get there. I just have to stay focused, make consistent effort over time, and not try for that magic wand quick fix.

Damn, didn’t that sound all kinds of mature?

Well, I’m feeling pretty damn good about myself at the moment. I just got back from the gym and I had one of the best workout sessions I’ve had in quite a while. For the past few weeks, I’ve been concentrating on cardiovascular exercise exclusively and I have to say that my energy level has been going through the roof. The plan is to take a break from the weight training and push the cardio for overall conditioning until the end of the month when I’ll get back on track with the lifting. So far, it’s been working very well. In the past ten days, I’ve done 11 hours of exercise, burning 8,813 calories and putting in just over 30 miles of distance. Considering that two out of those ten days were rest days, I’m feeling pretty proud of those numbers. The intensity of my workouts has also jumped up up, with my average physical index increasing from an average of 15 to 20 per workout.

All in all, I feel really good. I’ve been in a better mood, more sociable and a way better attitude about everything. I’ve just got to keep this up.

I’ve come to the sad conclusion that, much as I may want to, I won’t be making a living through photography any time in the near future. There’s just too much equipment I don’t have and too much information I don’t know. I need more practice, better technique, and a much broader range of subject matter…. All of which I can acquire, but not before my unemployment benefits run out. Since my freelance cartridge technician idea, as well as every other ‘outside the box’ concept I’ve come up with, has also gone absolutely nowhere, I’m going to have to face facts, bite the bullet, and get a real job. No more squirming, no more dodging, it’s just got to be done. Unemployment doesn’t last forever and I only have a couple months to go, so it’s time to get serious about the job search….. damn it.

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Ahhhhh Sinfest, sometimes it echoes my very thoughts.

All right, where the hell did the last two weeks go? I swear that it was Labor Day just yesterday. How is it now the 18th of September? Ugh, and I’ve gotten absolutely nothing useful accomplished either. No artwork done, no photographs taken, no jobs found. I’ve basically been an unemployed vegetable, just turn me towards the light and water me occasionally.

Ok, deep breath. Well, I’m awake now. Time to get back on the plan. I get my Unemployment payment tomorrow, which means I can put gas in my car and actually get out and do something. The question is what I should get out and do. I need income, more than I’m making off of unemployment. Maybe it’s time to bite the bullet and contact my old boss Greg to see if any of the stores could use some free-lance cartridge technician help. Nothing long term, mind you, just something to put some cash in my pocket….. That’s not a bad idea. I can do that without gagging too much.  It’s at least something productive.

 Yesterday was one of those days where my horoscope turned out to be eerily accurate. I checked it in the morning like a usually do and it read, “Scorpio: Making a tough financial decision could be your big challenge of the day. One part of you wants to spend the money without sticking to your budget. But you know that an impulsive purchase might not be the smartest move. You can get the best of both worlds by buying something relatively inexpensive like lunch, a book, or a CD, while putting off a major buy until you have enough time to do more research and think it over carefully.”

Since my plan for the day was to go out with Kendra on a photo safari where my biggest expense would be gas for the car and breakfast, I wasn’t all that worried. Heh, silly me. As it turned out, the weather decided not to cooperate with our plans. It was cold, rainy, and just not good hiking and taking pictures weather. So instead, we went to the mall. We had planned to go there after taking pictures because Kendra had one a free photo session at a portrait store and she wanted more information. I figure we’ll check it out, then catch a movie…. Which we did. We saw Stardust and that film is awesome. It’s original. It’s entertaining. The acting is great and the special effects are awesome. Plus, Robert De Niro plays a gay pirate. I highly recommend seeing it.

Anyway, when we checked out the portrait place, Kendra and I ended up making the appointment for the photo session that evening. So, after the movie, I ran her home so she could clean off her makeup and grab a couple of outfits. The photo session itself was a lot of fun. Kendra got her hair and makeup professionally done for the first time in her life. That took close to an hour, but it looked fantastic when she was done… and I say that as a straight male. Then they did the photo session. I have to admit, I had several ‘Who is this young woman and what has she done with my little niece’ moments. Kendra was just glam-or-ous. They did about a half dozen pictures in each outfit and the photographs turned out wonderfully. I also enjoyed the chance to get to see a professional photographer do studio work. I don’t have any experience with that or with working with a live model, so it was a good learning experience for me.

It was only at the end that we hit a snag. Kendra’s prize covered the makeup and photo session, but did not include any prints. They started talking print packages that started at over five hundred dollars. Just a basic 8 x 10 print without any touch ups or graphic effects was forty five dollars, and we got twenty five dollars off as part of the prize,  so I ended up having Kendra pick out her favorite photograph and got a print of that. The manager offered us a special deal of three more for another seventy five dollars, which sorely tempted me, but I just couldn’t afford to spend so much. At least with the one print we can scan it and make more for Kendra to give out as gifts.

All in all, though. it was a lot of fun and a very interesting experience. Now I have a much better idea of what would be involved for me to do studio work. I also have a better idea of the money that can be made at it. Heh, yeah. I just have to invest in the equipment, but still, it’s an idea. With a better camera, lighting, and a few simple backgrounds, I could offer an ‘in home’ portrait service that could make some money. I know I can match the colorization and touch up editing they were offering easily enough. It’s food for thought if nothing else.

Friday, we had some excitement. Several fairly violent thunderstorms came through our area and caused some damage. They even blew down a couple of trees in out own yard, one of which being a fairly large oak. Luckily, the trees were the only casualties and I even got some decent pictures from it. Of course, if I want to take the really cool storm photographs, I need to invest in a waterproof camera. In this first picture , you can see the size of the hail that came down. I’m glad I wasn’t out in that:

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Then we have the oak that went down. My lovely assistant Kendra gives some perspective on the tree’s size:

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After that excitement, it was our regular gaming night, so it was off for an evening of D&D. It was a good game with a larger group than usual. I enjoyed the social part of it almost as much as I enjoyed killing things. The rest of the weekend was fairly tame. Kendra and I hung out at the house for the most part, mainly because I’m totally broke until this week’s unemployment check comes through. We plan to get together again on Thursday and do an all day photo safari. I’m looking through some issues of Weird NJ to find someplace cool for us to go. I want to see if I can find some other subject matter than the usual trees, flowers, and insects.

Speaking of unemployment, I saw that the local large chain bookstore is hiring, so I went online and filled out an application. Ugh, what a chore that was. The first part was straightforward, but then there were 47 pages of these stupid pseudo-psych evaluation questions. I mean, come on, that’s well over two hundred freakin’ questions! Give me a break, and of course, a lot of them were repeats asking the same thing in a different way, “I seem to get in a lot of arguments” followed by “It seems like people often argue with me” followed by “Arguing is a good way to get your point across”. Yeah, I get it. Arguing with customers is a bad thing. Can we move on? Despite that, as retail jobs go, this would be a good place to work. So, I’m hoping for some results.

Don’t get me wrong, I still want to put retail behind me, but I think that will take longer than I have unemployment benefits for. Not to mention the fact that being absolutely broke is getting old real fast. I have to change this ‘all or nothing’ attitude I have. It will take some discipline, but I can hold a regular job and still work on my creative projects.

All right, we’re making progress. Not as much progress as I’d like, but still progress. I think the key is not over-scheduling myself. I don’t take orders well, not even orders from myself, so if I put down something set in stone like “Drawing practice: 10 am to 12 pm”, my instinct is to do anything but draw. However, if I write down a specific drawing project and the steps I want to accomplish today, it gives me the freedom to chose when and how to do it and doesn’t activate my knee-jerk rebellion. I have a sketch for a large scale (comparatively) project. My goal is to take it through all the stages to a finished work; Drawing, inking, coloring, and publishing. I plan to try both freehand and computer coloring to see which I like better. Since most of my non-computer artwork doesn’t get past the initial stages, I think going through the whole process is important. If I can do it with one, I can do it with more, right?

Combining with that is refreshing my skills (such as they are) with my computer graphics programs. It’s been such a long time since I’ve done  more than basic photo editing, that I’m rusty as hell. I attempted a middling-complicated project from a Computer Arts magazine and just hit a brick wall. There were things they assumed I could do that I just blanked on. *sigh* So, it’s back to basics there too. The important thing is to do it, not just whine about it.  Hell, if I’ve got nothing else, I’ve got time.

Whew, I just finished one of my traditional drawing commitments for today, three chapters out of Drawing for Dummies. I figure returning to the absolute basics, combined with actual drawing projects,  is a good way to start. (Side note: When typing the title, I wrote Daring for Dummies instead. Freudian slip much?) What’s interesting is my reaction to doing any traditional drawing. There’s this inner cynic constantly nattering in the background of my mind, telling me I’ll never be any good at this, laughing at my efforts, and generally belittling everything I try. That generally happens with anything creative I do, (You should hear the laughing in my head any time I refer to myself as an artist) but it’s particularly bad when I set pencil to paper. I’ve tried to sit down and analyze the source in an attempt to quiet the voice. I mean, you gotta figure that sort of thing stems from some art class trauma as a kid, right? However, nothing springs to mind. I’m hoping that I can beat it down with time, consistent effort, and improvement.

Anyway, just taking a break to clear my head. More later.

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 I spent a pleasant afternoon at one of our local parks hiking and taking pictures. My main goal was to practice with my cameras Macro mode, so I was taking close ups of small things. Of all the pictures I took today, the one above is my favorite, but I think I got a bunch of good ones. They’ll be profiled on my photo blog over the next few days or you can go see all of them (even the bad ones) at my SmugMug gallery. This park is also where I went on one of my first photo safaris (as I like to call them) so I spent some time comparing my technique now to my technique then. I think my photography is improving. I know it’s going a lot better than my artwork, but then, I spend more time taking pictures than I do drawing or working on computer graphics. Practice is key to improving anything.

Part of the problem, I think, is that I’ve been way to vague on what my goals are. I’ve got the big picture in my mind, but not the steps I need to take to get there. Even when I make a schedule to block out time for artwork, all I have planned to do during that time is ‘draw stuff’. So, I sit down in front of a blank sheet of paper with no clue as to what I’m going to put on it. That’s just a bot intimidating and not very useful. So, over the weekend I spent some time brainstorming and making lists. I went over the tools I have, what I want to do, where I want to go, and how I need to do it. I’ve made a project list and broke the projects down into manageable chunks. Now, I’ve taken those chunks, prioritized them, and made a daily ‘to do’ list. I’m going to get organized if it kills me.

That’s just step one though. Now comes the part that always trips me up, the follow through. I’m great at inspiration and starting things off. It’s the day to day grind, the maintenance, that I suck at….. Hell, that pretty much goes for everything I do, not just the creative stuff. That is what I really need to work at, what needs to change. I need to renew my commitment on a daily basis.