Category Archive

“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies within us while we live.” ~Norman Cousins

I ran into one of the stranger prejudices I’ve ever encounter in one of my fellow humans last night. Part of the job duties in our store is cleaning, including the bathrooms. Basically, both bathrooms have to be cleaned every shift. Simple enough, right? So, during a slow point at work, I told one of my fellow employees to take care of it and he refused to clean the women’s bathroom. His exact words were “I don’t think it should be the responsibility of a man to clean the women’s restroom”. What, he’ll clean guy poo, but not girl poo because that’s so much more offensive? I just totally didn’t get it, but then, I rarely understand people’s prejudices. Since I didn’t have the option of physically locking him in the ladies room and not letting him out until it was clean, I took care of it myself (just the women’s, not the men’s) and today I get to report what happened to the manager. This guy is a general downer to work with anyway He’s an older gentleman who’s got a Master’s degree in something-or-other and worked in the scientific community for many years running a laboratory. It’s fairly obvious that he considers it beneath him to be a convenience store clerk. Heh, my attitude is; what’s worse, doing a job that’s beneath you or doing a job that’s beneath you badly?

I also ran into an anti-smoking fanatic who tried to convince me that we shouldn’t have our cigarette display behind the checkout counter because that encourages people to smoke. Yeahhhh, because I get customers in all the time who see the display and say “Oh, what’s this… cigarettes? What the heck, I’ll give them a try”.

Meanwhile, I continue to be cheerful and happy with my job. Not all moments of it, of course. It’s not like I’m walking around in a blissed out trance, but in general, I’m feeling good and my attitude shows it. Heh, and being me, I wonder about this change in myself. I mean, customer service annoyed the crap out f me when I was working for Cartridge World. I was much more content on the days I could stay in the back room working on cartridges and not dealing with anyone. Also, I worked part time in another convenience store a few years ago and I absolutely hated it. So, I wonder what’s changed. Is it the company and the people I’m working with that make all the difference? Is it the depression medication and the fact that I’m not drinking? Regardless of the reason, I like this change. I want these feelings to continue and I’m going to work at keeping it up.

Ahhhhh, finally a day off. This whole “working” thing really cuts into my free time.  Not to mention, there’s a full crew meeting this afternoon, so I have to go in despite it being my day off…. Oh wait, I just mentioned that, didn’t I? It’s a little more overtime, so I’m not complaining too much.

Last night was my first night in charge without any managers in the store for backup. I think I handled it all fairly well, though it wasn’t a very busy night, so there wasn’t all that much to handle. Still, I got to train a fairly new hire and I actually sounded all knowledgeable and stuff. I also handled a few customer issues, like the elderly lady who couldn’t understand why the Lays two for $4.00 deal didn’t combine with the Wise two for $4.00 deal. All in all, I’m quite pleased with myself.

Friday night was the first bad night I’ve had at the store. Not bad for me, so much, as just a lot of crap going wrong.  We had a power outage which caused a major hassle, along with a couple of people calling out so we were short staffed, and there were a couple of personality clashes among the crew (hence today’s meeting), all on the busiest night we have. It wasn’t a lot of fun, but I didn’t get too stressed and I kept a good attitude and dealt with what I could. I was tired at the end of the night, but not all pissed off, so I’m counting it as a good thing.

I also found out that promotion to Shift Leader comes with a bigger upgrade in pay than I thought it would. Not that I’ve seen my promotion in my paycheck yet, but we’re talking about just above a 25% increase in pay. That will put me close to what I was making when I first started with Cartridge World, so I’m pretty pleased with that.

Yep, all in all, I’m feeling good about things. Good enough that I’m starting to think long term, like taking advantage of the company’s tuition policy to go back to school part time and getting my own apartment so I can live like an adult and not an arrested adolescent sponging off of my father for a change. Wouldn’t that be nice?

….. See what happens? I get a new job and my updates go right down the crapper.

The new job continues to go well. Starting next week, I’m going to get further training so I can actually be left in charge of the store all by my little lonesome. More responsibility will, hopefully, translate into more money as well. I’m still actually enjoying the work, some parts not so much, but for the most part, I’m busy and happy. The store itself is doing great. We’ve exceeded the expectations of the main office and even outsold the busiest store in the district (so far). This all with a new crew of mostly new hires. It’s been chaotic at times, but I thrive in chaos.

Yep, at this point, I really have no complaints. Kinda scary, isn’t it? If I keep my motivation high and keep doing the kind of job I’ve been doing, I can work my way up in this company fairly quickly. There’s already been mention of Assistant Manager possibilities in the near future, which is really encouraging. I think I may be able to attain that within six months.

The real trick is keeping my motivation high. I know I can DO the work. I just can’t let myself get bored and start slacking off. So far, bored hasn’t been a problem, but I’ve been working here less than a month. I’m really working at changing my usual patterns though. Day by day, I will succeed.

Ok. Well, where to start? I am feeling totally friggin’ psyched at the moment. The new job is going very well. As in, I’ve been there less than a week and they’re already going to promote me! The new store had it’s grand opening last night and my name is posted as Shift Leader for all to see. Hopefully, that will translate into my paycheck as well, but I might have to actually finish my training before it’s official. Still, it feels really good to know my hard work is appreciated.

I went into this thinking that it was absolutely going to suck. I didn’t want to stay in retail and I certainly didn’t want to work in a convenience store, but I needed a job, any job. So, when I got this one, I decided I had two choices; I could whine and complain that it wasn’t what I wanted to be doing and do the bare minimum I needed to do to get by, or I could be a professional about it, do my best and see where that got me. I decided to do my best and, so far, it’s really paid off. I’ve been getting positive feedback from everyone I’ve been working with, both management and my co-workers. Samples of compliments I’ve been getting are:

“It’s fun to train you because you’re interested and really want to learn“

“You know what I love about you? You’re always so optimistic and upbeat“

(From the grand opening) “This is a guy to watch. He’s been circulating through the crowd and getting pictures of everyone and everything“

Hell, the head of the human resources department wants copies of everything I took and he might put them into the company newsletter. Heh, I’m really hoping that my pictures are comparable to the ones the professional photographer that was hired for the event took. The company is opening a bunch of new stores in the near future, so who knows where it could lead.

Part of the reason I’m so enthusiastic is that it appears that I’ve fallen in with a really good company, one that actually cares about it’s employees and doesn’t just give lip service to the whole “We consider ourselves a family” line you always hear. For one, I’ll be getting a great benefit package once I’ve been there for a hundred twenty days, but it really shows in some of the little things they do. Like, they send secret shoppers into each store three times a quarter. If your store gets over ninety points on their little checklist, the whole store team (not just the crew that’s working) gets a fifty dollar bonus. I’ve never heard of a company that rewards everyone like that. Also, everything they told me when they first hired me has been followed up on. I can’t tell you how refreshing that is after the bundle of lies I was fed at Cartridge World.

As for the work itself, I actually enjoyed working the register and at the coffee stations, but working in the deli is definitely not one of my favorite things. The stores are very busy and a bit hectic, but I’d rather be active and challenged than bored. Boredom has always been my worst enemy. I know part of my enthusiasm is due to that fact that I haven’t worked in a year and the bloom will go off the rose eventually, but I’m working very hard at maintaining a positive attitude and doing things the right way.

All in all, I truly feel like I’ve hit a turning point and, if I keep my end up, I can really go places with this company. Time will tell.

Well, I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by the orientation meeting and training seminar I had today. I was expecting the standard ’show some videos and throw a bunch of buzz words around’ type of thing I’ve seen so much of. Instead, I got something that was well put together and actually informational. They also did a good job having everyone participate, so it wasn’t just eight hours of being lectured at. I really got the impression that they believed in what they were saying instead of just reciting the corporate spiel.

Not only that, but one of the people I met has been with the company all of two months and has already been promoted past Assistant Manager. That’s very encouraging to me. Maybe “We’ll work with you to advance your career” isn’t just a line I’m being fed…. for a change. It’d be real nice to work for a company that actually kept promises they made to me. There’s some other encouraging stuff as well, but I’ll go into that when I have more time.

I’m honestly feeling much better about this. There may even be a little optimism trying to peek through. Tomorrow, I’m going for some actual in store training, so we’ll see how that goes.

Well, it finally happened. After a year of searching, sending out resume after resume and filling out online applications by the truckload, I have attained the holy grail that is employment. Behold the ceremonial finery that they have bestowed upon me:

Yep, I have been hired by a local convenience store chain. I won’t mention them by name for obvious reasons. My feelings about this are extremely mixed. On the one hand, it’s a job. I’ll be earning money and no longer dragging myself and my father deeper into the pit of debt. Also, according to my manager, the company is about to start a major expansion, so the opportunities for advancement are good….. Uhm, I’m trying to think of another positive, but I’ve got nothing.

On the bad side, this is exactly the type of job I went back to school to avoid ever having to work again. Also, while the position they were advertising for was Assistant Manager, they start all new hires at the bottom as a store associate. It turns out Assistant Manager is third tier, which means I’ll have to get promoted twice to get to the level I applied for. So, the company has already started out pulling the old ‘bait and switch‘ on me. Staring out any relationship with a lie is always bad news. Also, I’m making far less than I wanted to, less even than the minimum I wanted to accept, but desperate times call for desperate choices. I’ve done the math and what I’m making should cover my monthly bills and leave me with a whopping one hundred twenty dollars left over….. Which will then be sucked into my gas tank. Of course, that’s theoretical until I see an actual paycheck.

But… I’ve made the commitment. All I can do now is my best. I’m setting a goal for myself to get my first promotion within ninety days. I think that’s realistic. Meanwhile, I’ll keep my eyes open for something better and also look for a second job to supplement my income.

Tomorrow is my first day. Good thoughts and positive energy are always appreciated.

Ugh, I am not a happy camper right now. Yesterday, I had a meeting with my case worker. She called me in (supposedly) because they had a “new evaluation procedure” and she needed to re-interview me. It didn’t take long. She had a little booklet and asked me a bunch of personal questions. No, I’m not on the crack. No, I’m not being beaten by my pet gerbil. Yes, should I be offered a job, I can get there consistently, etc, etc. After we did all that, she told me I had to come in today for a job search workshop. Last time I had to do one of these, it was a three hour meeting where they told me a bunch of stuff I already knew and suggested doing a bunch of stuff I was already doing.

So, I went in this morning expecting to have to deal with a few hours of tedium, but figuring I’d just grit my teeth and deal with it. Alas, so simple my life was not to be. It turn out this “workshop” in a mandatory ten day torture-fest. I had yet another interview with yet another person who started out assuming I was (at least) an idiot, then I spent three hours taking evaluation tests for my English and math skills. The kicker was, after all those tests, I sat down with the counselor again. She asked me what kind of work I was looking for, then opened up the newspaper and read me the help wanted ads!!! Seriously, I couldn’t make this crap up! I spent the rest of the afternoon online applying for jobs. Which, y’know, I couldn’t do at home or anything.

Now I’ve got to be at this place from nine in the morning until four in the afternoon for the next ten days. If I don’t comply, they yank my benefits!… And it’s not like I’m getting anything extra for this. No carrot, just the stick. Don’t get me wrong, if they were giving me some sort of resources I didn’t already have, I’d be grateful for the help, but I’m quite capable of reading the want ads all by myself. I don’t need to be in a room full of loud, annoying people to search for jobs online either. If you’re going to force me to do tedious work and deal with a bunch of irritating strangers, you should be paying me, dammit!

After all, that’s pretty much the definition of a job, isn’t it?

On the good side, I just broke the two hundred post mark here on my WordPress blog and yesterday was my best day ever with 132 page views, so many thanks to everyone who’s reading my ramblings and extra thanks to those of you who have taken the time to comment. it feels good to know people are enjoying what I’m writing. Looking at my statistics, it seems the Friday Funnies are the most popular reading (go figure) and the top searches to find my blog are “funny comics, Gothic mansion, Gothic homes”. Strange, I’d think that “boobs” would be in there somewhere because I see an awful lot of searches for that in my daily stats. As long as I’m spouting out little tidbits that no one really cares about, it seems my most popular post is “Friday funny; Healthy Living” with 878 views to it’s credit.

On the bad side, I’m feeling stupid and ignorant at the moment and it’s all the fault of a large chain of pet stores. See, they’re advertising for a General Manager at one of the local stores. I like animals and I have retail management experience, so I was feeling fairly enthusiastic (For a change) as I started their online application process. I filled out all the information they wanted (For the millionth time, why do I bother even having a resume, anyway?) and started on the inevitable “Evaluation test”. I’ve ranted about these things before. Page after page of questions that only prove you’re not stupid enough to actually tell them you’d like to punch customers in the face. This one was one hundred twenty questions long. The first fifty were the standard type questions, “Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: I would enjoy punching customers in the face“. Blah, blah, blah. Then they start getting a bit different and start asking math questions, “What’s the next logical number in the sequence: 1, 6, 36, __” or “If you have a 720 ML container of paint with the following colors in the following proportions….“. I’ve mentioned I hate math, right? I just don’t have a math mind. I’ve tried, but numbers are pointy and make my brain hurt.

Right, so I struggle through increasingly difficult math questions, growling and bitching the entire way, then we get to this lovely little item: “Picture a square table with eight seats placed evenly around it. Bob, Stan, Marty, and Greg are seated one to each side of the table. Alice, Tracy, Rick, and Frank come in. Alice sits between and next to Bob and Frank….“. You get the idea. Basically, you have to diagram the whole thing out and answer questions about where each person would be sitting and such. Sheesh! At this point I wondering if they realize that they’re a freakin’ pet store, for crying out loud! What the hell does ANY of this have to do with retail, or taking care of animals, or anything I’d actually be doing at the store? If it were just a few of these types of questions, that’s be one thing, but we’re talking seventy freakin’ questions! Over half of the evaluation! WTF?!?!

I think I’ll go apply to MIT now. Maybe they’ll ask me about gerbils and puppies on the application.

This is a fool proof Best Friend Test. If you don’t believe
it, just try this-

Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an
hour.

When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?

~~~~

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Schlock Mercenary, not only really funny, but it’s gone eight years of daily updates without interruption.

…. It just wastes your time and annoys the pig.

I’m not sure why that little saying just popped into my head, but it did, so I’m sharing it with y’all. As long as I’m sharing things, this was my horoscope the other day: Scorpio; Your emotions are undergoing transformation and although you may not fully understand what’s happening, there’s no reason to step back from the intensity. You were built to withstand high pressure, which increases the emotional heat. If others are uncomfortable with your presence, don’t try to fix it. Just act kindly while remaining true to yourself.

“Just act kindly while remaining true to yourself”. It’d be hard to go wrong following that kind of advice, now wouldn’t it? I like to think that’s how I live every day, some days with more success than others. Everyone’s got their own crap to deal with and there’s no need to make anyone’s life harder than it has to be. Of course, there are some who will try to take advantage of that kindness. Being true to myself, though, I smack that kind of person down…. hard. Being kind doesn’t mean being a doormat.

Heh, I’m feeling all kinds of philosophical today, aren’t I?

Heheheh, isn’t it a cute Cthulhu Kitty? I totally stole it from Shannon’s blog ’cause I loved it so much. Isn’t him a horrible Old One? Yes, Him is! Ahhhh, I can feel the insanity doing it’s work.

Annnyway, where was I? Oh yes, so I decided to use my Xanga page as a photo blog. I originally joined Xanga years ago just to be able to comment on Kendra’s blog. Of course she, being fickle, no longer uses it and I never did much with mine, but now I’m visiting regularly to read Shannon’s stuff, so I figured why not get some use out of it? My goal is to post a picture a day (every day, damn it!) and I’ve joined a couple of photography blog rings , so we’ll see how that works out.

As you can probably tell, I’m in a much better mood lately. The new workout routine seems to be doing me wonders. I don’t know if it’s a testosterone boost or just feeling like I’m actually making progress with something that’s doing it, but as long as I’m feeling this good, I’m not inclined to question it. I’ll just ride the wave as long as I can. Maybe the renewed focus will help with the job search….

… one can hope

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“To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.” -Henri Bergson

My apologies to those I’ve concerned with my absence. I’ve been taking a break from my online routine, partly in the futile hope that breaking one pattern would lead to change in others and partly from a severe lack of inspiration. Since my blog is mostly about my life, and my life has been fairly static lately, there just hasn’t been much to say. I feel like I’m stagnating, doing the same things over and over again on a daily basis, beating my head against the unyielding wall of unemployment, working out, eating, sleeping. My days all just blend together and I honestly didn’t realize exactly how long it’s been since I updated.

Speaking of working out, I started back with weight training this week, a bit earlier than I had planned. A strictly cardiovascular workout routine just wasn’t doing it for me. I need the intensity of lifting to feel like I’m making progress, I’ve decided to try to change things up with a three day cycle. I’ll do weight training one day, cardio the next, then have a day of rest instead of trying to work out six days straight with one day of recovery. I’m hoping that will give me better results and I’ll be able to stick to the routine. After all, it’s consistency that is the key.

That’s pretty much all that’s been going on. With any luck, there will be some changes soon.

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I got the first disk of season one of The Riches from Netflix over the weekend. Eddie Izzard is one of my favorite stand up comedians of all time, so I was looking forward to seeing how he did as a dramatic actor. I ended up having mixed feelings about the show though. On the plus side, the acting is good and the story-line is involving. I like that they have the youngest child be a transvestite without making that fact an issue, though I suspect we can thank Eddie Izzard’s influence for that. My main objection to the show is that they perpetuate the tired old idea that anyone is living an alternative type of lifestyle (in this case, the ‘Travelers’ who are a clan of modern day gypsies) secretly yearns for the “American Dream” of a white picket fence, wife/husband, 2.5 kids, dog and cat kind of life.

Don’t get me wrong. If that’s your dream and it makes you happy, more power to you. However, not everyone shares that dream. If you go by what TV and movies tell you, though, it’s the only way to find happiness. Get a ‘real’ job, marry, breed, and purchase real estate, then settle down in your little nest and enjoy paradise. ‘Cause y’ know, a rock star (for example) traveling the world, and shagging beautiful women on a daily basis may seem happy, but give that rock star amnesia and, through a zany mishap, have him end up working on a farm with a single mom raising three kids and he’ll realize the true meaning of happiness, throwing away that jet-setting lifestyle when his corrupt business manager tries to have him killed and re-awakens his memory instead….. Hell, they even did it to Lex friggin’ Luthor on the extremely lame “Three days of Lexmas” Smallville Christmas episode.

Ok, end of rant. My point is that not everyone buys into the “American Dream”, but that doesn’t make them any less happy than the people who do. I’d just like to see a TV show that has the guts to acknowledge that.

I spent part of my morning doing chainsaw work for my dad. He’s been obsessing about getting it done, going on about how it would be an all day job, maybe even two, but he canceled the chainsaw rental twice because of the threat of bad weather. So, today he finally rented the thing and the work he wanted me to do took all of two hours to get done. So much for all the build up and trepidation.

Part of the reason I got done so quickly is that my father had jury duty and wasn’t able to help me. I love the man dearly, but he only slows me down. It’s not entirely his fault. He’s old and has a bad leg, so that doesn’t help. Mostly though, he’s a futzer. For him, yard work has always been a leisure activity, something to piddle around with on the weekends. That gives a much different mindset than if, like me, you’ve done it professionally. I want to get as much done as quickly and efficiently as possible, just really attack whatever the job is, while my dad like to just poke along, doing this, then doing that. Hence why his “all day job” took me two hours.

It did feel good, getting outside and doing some hard physical work. I’m really feeling it in my back from using the chainsaw, but it’s a good kind of sore. Now the question is; what to do with the rest of my day?

I woke up this morning at a little after four am. Since I’d planned on getting up at five to go to the gym, I decided I might as well stay up and get moving early. I should have known better. My gym opens at five during the week and I thought it did the same on Sundays, but it turns out they don’t open ’til six on the weekends. So, after getting ready and heading out, I find the gym dark and empty. Have you ever tried to find a constructive way to kill forty five minutes at five am on a Sunday morning?…. and fight the temptation to just go back to bed at the same time? I was not a happy camper.

Other than that, it’s been a pretty good weekend. We had the Game on Friday, which was a lot of fun. It was my first time moderating since I went on the Lexapro and I could really feel a difference. It’s really hard to maintain my concentration with multiple stimuli now. I am just way distractible. I’d start to look something up in the rule books and get side tracked by something that caught my eye or a side conversation going on. I’m hoping that’s a side effect that will improve as I adjust to the medication. If not, I’m going to have to figure out a way to compensate. Still, the game was fun and being out and socializing felt good too.

Saturday, Kendra and I went to one of the local parks and spent some time taking pictures. That also felt really good. Fresh air, sunshine, good company, and being creative are all good things. it sure beats sitting alone in my room watching stupid movies on the sci-fi channel. So, I’ll be posting new pictures throughout the week (or longer), starting with a few of my favorite niece:

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Well, this has certainly been a weird week. My apologies to those I worried with the lack of posting. I’ve been spending a lot of time inside my own head…. and not doing much else.

On the good side, the Lexapro seems to be working, cutting through the fog of apathy to glimpse the sun. My energy level is still total crap, but I think that may be more inertia than anything else right now. Plus, I’ve managed to come down with a cold on top of everything else, so that doesn’t help.

Ugh, I had more to say, but my brain is blanking now that I’m actually sitting in front of the computer. Maybe some lousy generic coffee will provide inspiration.

My apologies for the lack of updating/commenting/responding to e-mails. I’ve been feeling very isolationist of late and I’ve been neglecting….. well, everything really. I’ve gotten a whole lot of bupkis done this week. About the only positive step I took, was making and keeping the appointment with the doctor who did the depression study last year. So, once again, I’m going on the brain medicine. I’ve been prescribed Lexapro, which is what we think I was taking during the study, but at double the dose I was taking before. I responded fairly quickly during the study, so hopefully my mood will be lifting fairly soon.

The doctor also suggested (strongly) that I go see a regular physician for a check up. His exact words were “you don’t exactly look like the picture of health”, which is probably psychiatrist code for “You look like absolute crap”. I checked online and my “regular” (read as “the one I’ve seen all of twice in the past five years”) takes Medicaid, so I suppose I’ll see about making an appointment on Monday. Heh, maybe I should check into dentists while I’m at it and be a total drain on productive society.

So yeah, that’s my status at the moment. Not much in the excitement department, eh?

Annnnnd here we are again. I started out my week by having to go to a lame Job Search Seminar as part of the requirements for collecting my welfare benefits. All in all, the thing was a total waste of my time. All they did was go over the very basics of looking for a job (dress nicely for the interview, do NOT actually smoke crack in the reception area of a potential new job, yadda yadda yadda). Actually, I got off fairly easily, so I can’t complain too much. All I have to do is go to this seminar and then turn in a worksheet detailing my job search activities every Friday. Up until recently, they actually required you to be in their office complying with a “work activity” requirement five days a week, but the state cut their funding, so now it’s just the worksheets. Personally, I think the worksheets are better. I mean, if I’m doing busy work for thirty hours a week, when am I supposed to actually look for a job? Plus, it just doesn’t make any financial sense. Between food stamps and the cash allowance, I’m getting a whopping three hundred dollars a month from the state. That would mean I’m earning, what, two dollars and fifty cents an hour?! Not to mention losing the time to look for a real job? I think NOT!

Meh, in other news, I’m now also receiving Medicaid, which is the closest thing I’ve had to health insurance in years (and years). I’ve thought it over and made an appointment on Friday to see the doctor I did that depression study with to see about going back on Lexapro. I was doing a hell of a lot better at the end of that study than I’m doing now, so I think it would help and the doctor visit is free because I did the study. Between that and Medicaid covering the prescription, I think I can afford it. I’ve gotta do something to get myself back on track.

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Well, to the surprise and shock of no one, I did not get the photographer job I interviewed for. They decided to go with someone who had more action photography experience, which I can’t really fault them for, since I have none. What I find annoying is that I had to chase them to find out I didn’t get the job. From what I understood, they had all of three applicants. How hard is it to drop an e-mail to the other two saying, “So sorry, but we decided to go with someone else. Thanks for your interest.”? This happens in every job I’ve interviewed for. You go to the interview and they say something like “We’ll make our decision by the end of the week. Either way, you’ll have an answer by then”. The end of the week comes and, if you’re not the applicant they go with, you hear nothing. Really, that’d be fine if they’d just said “If you don’t hear from us by the end of the week, you didn’t get the job.”, but no, they leave you twisting. You think maybe there was a delay, so they won’t decide until Monday. You have to decide how much time to give them before you contact them and ask. I friggin‘ hate that. Just tell me! I can take rejection. The gods know I’m certainly used to it by now. It’s the uncertainty that gets to me, having hope and cynicism fighting a little war in my brain for a couple of days.

Meh. Ah well, back to the want ads.

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This is about the most bizarre things I’ve ever seen:

…. Is it always going to snow when I have a job interview? ‘Cause the last time it snowed, I had an interview with the job I held for all of two days. Then today, I got the call for another interview and it started snowing within an hour. If I stay unemployed until, say, July that’s just going to get weird.

On a more positive note, I HAD A JOB INTERVIEW TODAY!!!! For a photography position and everything!! W00T! It would only be part time on the weekends, but it sounds like an excellent opportunity. I’d be taking pictures of the competitors at dance competitions, so it would be a great chance to learn about action photography and expand my skills. The interview went very well, so I think I have a real shot at getting it. Can you tell I’m excited?! It feels real good to be excited about a potential job for a change.

Ebeh-eh. Glorkshamin fibbersnap. Gazootle!

Must…. make…. brain….work….!!!

Yeahhhhh, so… uhmmmm… Here we are. If you think this blog entry is random, you should try being inside my head. This has been a mixed up day. On the good side, my friend Terri is going over my resume and tweaking it for me. Since she has muuuch more on the ball than I do, I’m thinking this will help. She’s also given several helpful hints on the job hunt which will hopefully shake things up a bit. Another good thing is that there were several ads for photographer’s assistants today, all of which I responded to. They’re all part time, but I’m certainly willing to juggle a couple of part time jobs at this point. Besides, I figure employers are more willing to take a chance on someone inexperienced for a weekend gig than for something full time. So, we’ll see if anything comes from that.

I also had the fun experience of going to the local food pantry for a handout this morning. My healthy eating plan is certainly going into the toilet for the next couple of weeks. There are now more high fat, sugary snacks in the house than there have probably been in the past year. Still, can’t be choosy when you’re a charity case, can you? I met some interesting people too, like the woman who had a court date this week for disorderly conduct. Apparently, she thought some cops were going to hurt a guy they were arresting, so she went over to make sure they didn’t and ended up getting cited for interfering with the arrest. Imagine that! Then there was another woman who had to go to court for a DUI, which she thought was ironic because she “never really drinks”. She said this while reeking of alcohol at nine thirty in the morning, mind you. Yeesh.

Ah well, even more incentive for me to find a damned job, eh?

Well, I am now officially a leech on you hard working, gainfully employed people out there. I met with a case worker yesterday about going on welfare. Words cannot fully express the joy I feel at having my very own case worker. The good news is that between food stamps and the local food pantry, I don’t have to worry about starving to death any time soon. The bad news is that the cash allowance for a single male with no dependents is a whopping one hundred forty dollars per month. That’s not even a drop in the bucket for my student loan and car payments. Also, my hope that there would be some sort of education or training program was shattered quite completely. Now, if I was mentally unstable (quiet you!), addicted to drugs, or the victim of domestic abuse, there are all kinds of programs I could get into. Maybe I should boot some black tar heroin and have my dad whack me a few times with an ax handle.

I did get some kudos from the cute, young intern who interviewed me on maintaining my Vow of Temperance and my overall health campaign. Heh, I bet I’m one of the healthiest welfare recipients in the state. Yay me. Since I’m so healthy, climbing out of this back pit of despair should be no problem, right?

Yeah, need a job, any job, and I need it now.

Uhmmmm… What to blog?….. What to blog?

I just uploaded my 200th picture onto my Deviant Art account. I’ve been a member a month now, uploaded 200 pictures, and had over 800 views of my work. So, that’s pretty good. I still think I need more variety in my subject matter, but I’m a little low on resources to make that happen at the moment.

It’s really windy out today, windows rattling and the whole shebang. Windy days always remind me how much it sucked all those years I had to ride a mountain bike everywhere ’cause my license was suspended. Wind was the worst. It seemed like it was always in your face and you had to work twice as hard just to get anywhere. Rain wasn’t so bad. I just brought a change of clothes and a towel (all wrapped in plastic to stay dry) and changed when I got to wherever I was going. I actually enjoyed riding in thunderstorms, especially at night. The lightning flashing and the driving rain really got my adrenaline pumping. Snow was a pain mainly because it limited where I could ride, so I had to deal with traffic more….. And that was just the weather. Try doing your grocery shopping, then stuffing it all into a backpack and riding a bike three miles home or doing the same thing both ways to do your laundry. Yep, it sure gives me an appreciation of being able to climb in my little car and drive now. It sure puts the whole ‘car and insurance payment’ thing in perspective.

As far as the job search goes, not much to report. I tried to start the week with a positive attitude. You know, “This will be the week I find a new job” and all that positive affirmation crap, but that’s been slowly chipped away by reality. I’ll keep slogging along though. Something has to give eventually.

I’ve been teetering on the edge of depression all week. Part of me just wants to let go, leap even, and plunge so deep I never see light again. Most of me, however, damned well isn’t going to give the powers that be that satisfaction. it’s just that I’m so tired of fighting against the corroding mist that fills my life. It seems like no matter what I try, how much I struggle and claw to pull myself up or gain a handhold, everything just breaks apart and I slide even deeper into the hole. I had to borrow money from my dad yet again just to cover my bills, which puts him even farther into debt….. I don’t know. It feels like I’m right back where I was five years ago. That all going back to school accomplished was to give me student loans to pay off and all I got out of Cartridge World was a whopping car payment. I find myself brooding on the endless ‘what if’ cycle. What if I’d never even heard of Cartridge World? What if I’d gotten a real design job when I left school? What if those skills hadn’t been atrophying for the past three years? What if… If… Friggin’ IF!

Real productive thoughts, I know. As long as we’re wishing, I want a pony too. I made my decisions and I accept the consequences thereof. The reality is, I need some sort of income and I need it now. The time for being fussy about what my job is, is long past. I damned well don’t want to drag my dad into the pit along with me.

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Oh man, I have a severe case of the don’t wanna’s today. My butt is dragging more than a wet bag of concrete. Ugh and double ugh. I need coffee. Unfortunately, I don’t have any coffee, nor can I afford any. I have two whole dollars in my wallet, twenty nine cents (!) in the bank, and barely any income. On Friday, I should get paid for the two days I worked last week, but that will be less than a hundred dollars. Meanwhile, I have my car insurance payment due on Wednesday, my gym membership due on Friday, and a car payment on Saturday. Gee, I wonder why I’m not feeling more uplifted and energetic?

I’ve contemplated canceling my gym membership temporarily just to save a little money, but my workouts are about the only positive thing I have going that make me feel good. I’m just not willing to give that up. Meh, I should get my butt moving. Sitting here bitching isn’t going to solve anything.

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…. And here I sit,  jobless again. That was quick, wasn’t it? Today was my first day out on my own. The weather was much better than yesterday, a little snow, but just sprinkles, nothing bad. I started out feeling hopeful, energetic even, and jumped right into knocking on doors and giving the ‘rap’ about global warming. Long story short, I knocked on one hundred eight doors, talked to fifty nine actual people…. and managed to get a whopping thirty seven dollars in donations. The absolute minimum you’re supposed to get in your first day is one hundred ten dollars. So, when we got back to New Brunswick and did the tallies and paperwork, I got the ‘we don’t think this job is a good fit for you’ speech. Actually, “We don’t think this job is a good fit for you” pretty much was the speech…. and that was it. One day of training. One day out on my own. So sad, too bad, bye bye.

To say I’m frustrated and disappointed would be a severe understatement.

Well, my first night of canvassing was done in the rain, just a light drizzle to make you damp and cold, but I actually enjoyed being out in the weather as opposed to stuck in a retail store. I did a lot of walking, knocked on many doors, talked to thirty different people, and managed to collect all of forty five dollars in donations in the two hours I was sent out on my own. According to my trainer and a couple of other people, that’s pretty good for a first night. I got very nervous at the first person I talked to, but after that, I was fine and actually enjoying some of the interaction.

The people I’m working with are much more interesting than anyone I dealt with at Cartridge World. On the train ride to our canvassing location, conversation ranged from movies to ancient religions and back again. Heh, not a football or sports reference to be found, I liked that. All in all, it was a good experience and I enjoyed it. Tonight, I’ll be canvassing independently for the whole shift, so we’ll see how that goes. I’m actually feeling optimistic about it.

Well, I’m gearing up for my ‘Observation Day’ today and feeling pretty happy that the killer snow storm they were predicting turned out to be just a little drizzle. I’m feeling anticipation about today, but I’m not really nervous. I’m hoping that’s a good sign. The more I’ve read about what I’ll be doing, the more I’m sure I can do this…. and I might even enjoy it. One thing I have to remember is that I’m not there to debate or convert anyone who’s dead set against the cause. It’s “This is who we are. This is what we’re doing. Would you like to help by becoming a member and/or contributing?” No is no. Thanks for your time and move on…… That’s easy enough and the quota you’re expected to meet is definitely doable. I’m also looking forward to meeting the people I’ll be working with. It shouldn’t be all middle aged businessmen this time. That should be refreshing. All in all, I’m looking forward to this.

Meanwhile, here some pretty pictures for those who did get hit with snow and for anyone who might be experiencing the winter blahs:

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(click image for larger size)

(click image for larger size)

I am pleased to announce that I am returning to the ranks of the gainfully employed. Starting Monday, I shall be working as an activist for one of the oldest grassroots environmental organizations in the US. I’m not going to mention them by name for obvious reasons, but I’ll be doing canvassing for their global warming campaign, talking to people about environmental issues, and soliciting donations. I’m excited because this is something I believe in and it will be very nice to do something meaningful for a change. I’m not all that keen on the going door to door part of it, but training and experience should help me with that. I’ll be using a lot of the same skills I learned doing retail, just taking it to people’s houses instead of them coming to the store… and at least I’m selling something better than vacuum cleaners. The money isn’t great, but no one gets rich working for a non-profit organization. Money’s not what I’m about anyway and I’m way more enthusiastic about this that I’ve been about any potential job in quite a while.

Also, with the “leadership experience” I’ve had in running a retail store and training people, they want me to meet with the regional director and see about fast tracking me into one of their long term management positions. That would mean running and organizing my own team, which would be very cool…. not to mention it would also mean health benefits and the like. Imagine being able to go to a doctor when I’m sick! That’s just crazy talk! The hours are good too…at least for me. I’ll be working from two in the afternoon ’til ten at night, which means I’ll be able to  keep my morning workout schedule as well as not having to deal with rush hour traffic. That’s good because we’re based out of New Brunswick, close to my old job in Piscataway, and I hated that commute.

Heh, in a way, I feel like I’m coming full circle. This is the sort of thing I pictured myself doing when I fist went to school wayyyy back when I was twenty. I majored in Ecology and Environmental Technology then, and I wanted to save the world, but I lost my financial aid due to Reagonomics and my parents divorce. Maybe the side path I started down then is connecting with the main road again. Different spot with a much different view, but…..

In an explosion of originality, I’ll be reviewing my year. Try not to be overwhelmed by my awesomeness.

Well, let’s see…. How about we start with fitness? I worked out on 90 out of the past 365 days, which translates to one day in four being a workout day. Vast room for improvement there. I exercised for a grand total of 143 hours, covering 317 miles, and burning 107,800 calories, which is the equivalent of 30.8 pounds of fat. That’s all good. I’m also proud to say that my body fat percentage is at the lowest it’s ever been since I started keeping track of it. That means the changes I’ve made to my eating (and drinking) habits are working. I just need to strengthen my resolve and be more consistent on my workout schedule.

Financially, I’m totally in the crapper. I lost my job back in June and have yet to find any sort of employment. I have all of seventy dollars in the bank and no income. Finding a job has to be my highest priority at the moment.  On the plus side, I’ve made good progress in improving my photography and set my long term sights on pursuing it as a career. I’ve managed to make it to the finals in one photography contest and had my picture published in their annual. Definitely a good thing there.

Relationship-wise, I’ve made some new friends online and kept good friends offline. I’ve tried to be there for those who’ve needed me, with varying degrees of success, and I’ve managed to avoid doing anything (too) stupid to strain the relationships that truly matter. What mistakes I did make have been addressed and resolved, hopefully to everyones satisfaction. While I have no one in my life romantically, I’m also not feeling all that strong a desire for someone. There’s just too much to fix in my life right now before I’d be comfortable offering myself to someone. I have to be right with myself before I’m right for anyone else.

So, that’s where I’m at right now. All in all, I’m satisfied with the progress I’ve made this year. There’s definitely room for improvement, but I’m confident that I’ll get there. I just have to stay focused, make consistent effort over time, and not try for that magic wand quick fix.

Damn, didn’t that sound all kinds of mature?

Annnnd, we’re back. Didja miss me? I bet you barely noticed I was gone… Slacker.

So, I’m feeling pretty damned chipper at the moment. I don’t know how long the good mood will last, but I’m riding this wave as long as I can.  My holiday was a good one and extremely mellow. We had a delicious brunch at Pete and Kendra’s with a small present exchange. The only bummer was that I’m far to poor to give gifts, but it was a nice social time that I thoroughly enjoyed (And wow, did I just butcher the spelling on thoroughly. Thank you, Firefox, for the automatic spell check). I love my sister deeply, but having a family gathering without any drama is just so….pleasant.

After that, I visited my friend Jim for a bit. Unfortunately, the main reason for that was my needing to borrow money to cover my car payment (And thank you for bailing my butt out yet again Jim), but it was also nice to just sit and chat for a while. Then it was home for a yummy dinner with my father, which was also pleasant and sociable. Yep, all in all, a good day.

Now, of course, there are things to deal with. I got my last payment from unemployment this week, which was just a partial one, hence my needing to borrow money. After all the bills are covered, I have a whopping ninety seven dollars in the bank and absolutely no income on the horizon. I need a job, any job, and I need it now. Gone is the luxury of passing on anything because it doesn’t pay enough or just plain sucks. Any income is better than no income.

And yet, I feel oddly optimistic, energized even, like there’s nothing that’s going to get thrown at me that I can’t handle. I’m gonna do what needs to get done and enough with this angst ridden whining about it.

Word.

It’s funny how things balance out sometimes. After having my pictures rejected yesterday, I get this in the mail:

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(click image for larger size)

W00T!! I am now officially a published photographer! I’m number six on the page, for those who don’t recognize the photo. Looking through the whole anthology, I’m even prouder to have made it to the finals. There are some fantastic pictures in there and I’m surprised my photograph made it as far as it did. According to the publisher, I made it into the top five percent of over twenty thousand entrants. That really helps my confidence that I can actually do this. It’ll just take time and effort.

Good thing I’m so patient, eh?

Well, out of ten pictures submitted, ten were rejected and all for “Limited commercial value”. Translation: They’re pretty, but the won’t sell. At least, that’s how I’m choosing to translate it. I’m actually not too surprised. I’m the first to admit I’m not a professional photographer and my subject matter pretty much falls into the ‘artsy’ category as well as being fairly commonplace. More than likely, they have plenty of pictures of flowers, trees, and squirrels.  As I’ve said before (repeatedly), getting myself up to professional quality is going to take time, dedication, and equipment. The trick is to keep working at it and not get discouraged by minor setbacks.

I’ve had a strange craving for macaroni and cheese lately, so I got some the last time I went shopping (organic M&C, five boxes for six bucks) and I made some tonight. I even went the healthy route with low-fat milk and no butter (though I did add extra cheese) and a yummy kale salad on the side. ‘Twas tasty, but it sure didn’t satisfy the hunger pangs for long. Now my tummy’s all growly and I’m resisting the urge to snack. Actually, I’m resisting the urge to run out and get a bacon double cheeseburger (With extra fat!) and a chocolate shake, but that’s beside the point.

Yep, you know when I’m blogging about what I had for dinner that I just had a day filled with excitement. I faxed a couple of more resumes, which will hopefully show some results for a change. I also submitted another set of pictures to a stock photo company. If the pictures are accepted, I then become a member and earn a fee for every time one of my pictures is downloaded for use. A lot of professional photographer use this sort of service as a secondary source of income and the company I’m trying for is reputable (and it doesn’t charge an entry fee or anything), so I know it’s not some sort of scam. I definitely stay away from any company that promises I can make thousands of dollars if I just send them twenty bucks to find out how. So, here’s hoping I get accepted.

Well, I’m even boring myself, so here’s a pretty picture for you:

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Well, this has been an interesting few days. This weekend I was ht by a severe desire to drink. Not just the passing “A beer would taste good right about now” urge I’ve had in the month since I took the Vow of Temperance, but more of a “I want to get so blitzed I don’t even know my name” kind of craving. I’m proud to say that I didn’t give in to the desire. Instead, I tried to figure out what brought it on. Last week was just a regular week, nothing bad happening nor anything to celebrate, so it wasn’t triggered situationally. However, this was the first weekend since I stopped drinking that I didn’t have anything going on, so it could be the default of “I’m bored, so I should drink” combined with the fact of it being over a month since I’ve had any alcohol. What really surprised me was the strength of the urge and the persistence of it. It’s like all weekend part of me was that whiny little kid in the supermarket, begging his mom for candy and just getting louder and whinier the more she says “no”. On Sunday, I had one of those dragging, no energy days and ended up sleeping for sixteen hours. Then Monday came and *poof* the urge was gone. Hopefully, it won’t return.

Today, I had a really good day at the gym. My numbers went up on all the cardio machines and I came out of the workout feeling really good instead of dragging butt. The only snag was that I broke one of the Cardio-wave machines while I was using it.  I was about halfway through my normal routine when one of the pedals just gave way, dropping down to the base of the machine and not coming back up. It must have made quite a noise too ’cause it got the attention of everyone in the gym. Happily, the only damage was to the machine and I finished the rest of my workout without incident. I’m hoping the rest of my week goes much better.

Well, I certainly haven’t been very talkative lately, have I? That’s because there hasn’t been much happening and I really haven’t had anything to say. I still don’t, really. It’s been a blah kind of week, nothing to really complain about, but nothing to celebrate either. Heh, and no particularly deep thoughts to share, for that matter. I really need to be able to blog during my cardio workouts. That seems to be the only time my thoughts really flow. Unfortunately, by the time I soak in the jacuzzi, get cleaned up and get home to my computer, my brain is blank.

We got a light dusting of snow today. Just enough to look pretty, but not much else.  Every time I see snow falling, I hear Lilly’s voice in my head asking, “Is it pretty?” That always makes me pause and take a moment just to appreciate the beauty of the moment. I suppose that’s not such a bad thing to take away from such a messed up relationship.

Of course, that path leads to maudlin thoughts and I don’t particularly feel like walking it.

So, I’m at the gym treating myself to a post-workout smoothie (yummy!) when the TV in the lounge (because anywhere human beings are relaxing must have a TV, don’tcha know) has a little news flash about the end of the theater strike in New York.  For some reason, this triggers some dormant brain cell and the Muppet Show theme song starts playing in my head:

It’s time to play the music.
Its time to light the lights.
It’s time to meet the muppets
On the muppet show tonight!

It’s time to get things started on the most
Sensational,Inspirational,Celebrational,
Muppetational
This is what we call the muppet show!

The truly sad part of this is that I actually know all the words. The second sad part is that now it won’t go away! I’ve tried blasting it with heavy metal, distracting myself with pretty pictures, doing word games in my head….and still it plays. I’m about ready to drive a pointy stick through my eye.

This morning I went to the loan place to check out their offer. Strangely enough, the pre-approval letter they had sent me didn’t mention little things like the interest rate or repayment terms. When I got there, I wasn’t impressed. The place had a kinda ‘kid borrowing his big brother’s suit’ feel to it. I strongly suspect most of their business is done over the phone with people who just get the acceptance letter and use the convenient toll free number to get their check “as fast as possible”. The interest rate on the loan was high and the payment terms, though they generously offered no payments ’til 2008, prohibitive. Basically, I wouldn’t be saving any money, just switching who I sent the checks to. That’s not at all what I had in mind, so I decided to pass.

I’ve been squirming as much as I can, trying to avoid having to take yet another crap job just to make ends meet, but it just isn’t going to happen. Everything I’ve done in the past few years to try to advance myself has pretty much come to nothing. I’m back to (maybe) one step above ‘do you want fries with that’. Ohhh, I know, maybe I can work part time at a porn store…. No, wait….. Been there, done that.

I got one of those “pre-approved” loan offers in the mail on Saturday. It’s amazing the crap you get when you pay your bills regularly. It’s only worth mentioning because I’m actually considering accepting it. See, I only have two more unemployment payments until my benefits run out and no job prospects on the horizon. Just when you want to be taking out a loan, right? However, if I took the money, I could give myself a year’s breathing room on my regular bills with enough left over to carry my expenses for another couple of months. That would ease a hell of a lot of pressure, if only temporarily. Of course, then I’d have an additional loan payment on top of everything else.

So, that’s the questio0n. Take the loan and gamble that the temporary reprieve lets me find something worthwhile or play it safe and take the next dead end, minimum wage crap job that presents itself? Neither choice exactly fills me with joy.

So, after all that, I called the unemployment office this morning and they processed my claim. No muss, no fuss.  Apparently there had been some “glitches” on Monday, but there was no problem with my claim. So sorry, have a nice day. GrrrRR….. Ah well, at least I’ll get my money on Friday.

I seriously need a (real) job. That way, instead of dealing with unemployment crap, I can be dealing with job crap. Not to mention I’m down to less than a month’s worth of benefits at this point. We’re officially hitting the “anything that pays me a buck” phase of the job search. Yeah, looking forward to that.

Oh yeah, this is just one of those weeks where the various gods decide to see how bad they can fuck with me. For one, my workouts have been absolutely horrible. I have no freakin’ energy whatsoever and it’s only through sheer willpower that I’m getting into the gym and doing what I’m supposed to. Not to mention the fact that I’ve been in a totally foul mood and it’s usually a good bout of exercise that pulls me out of it, but with how things are going, it’s just getting worse and worse.

For two, I got my renewal for my car insurance and my frigging rates are going up to the tune of sixty bucks a month. Sixty extra dollars I don’t have, mind you. I mean, what the hell?! I’ve been driving all kinds of legal, no tickets, no accidents. Why are my rates going up?! Oh, and my registration is due to be renewed, so there’s another forty five dollars I have to spend for the privilege of driving in this gods-be-damned state.

Fore the manure icing on my steaming pile of shit cake, when I went to file my claim for my unemployment benefits on Monday, their website was down. I waited until a little after one o’clock for them to fix it, but of course, no joy. So, I used the phone claim option instead, only to be told by the oh-so helpful recording that I’d have to speak to a counselor before my claim could be processed. Monday being a holiday, there were no counselors available, so I called today as soon as I got back form the gym only to be informed, again by a helpful recording, that my day to claim benefits was Monday and I’d have to wait for my alternate day of Wednesday to talk to anyone. AAARRRRRGH!!! That means, assuming that whatever the problem is, is simple and gets resolved Wednesday so my claim is processed that day, I won’t get my money until Friday. I have two dollars in my wallet, seven dollars in the bank, and a day and a half’s worth of food in my refrigerator. Yeah, waiting for Friday to get paid sounds like a real good idea.

That cracking sound you hear? That would be me.

I sit here, staring at the blinking cursor, wondering what it is I want to say. There is something just below the surface of my mind, something more than droning on about my workout and how sore I’ve been the past couple of days, something more than yet another complaint about being poor and jobless. It teases at me, whispers hints, but doesn’t reveal itself. It looks at my other blog entries and sneers, asking “Is this all you are? Is this all you have to share? How trivial can you be?”

I’m tired…aching. Worse, I’m bored. Bored with myself and the mediocrity of my life. I am neither hero, nor villain. My life is neither tragic nor valiant. Vanilla middle class with delusions of grandeur, never expending the effort to push his limits, hidden in a high tech cave and warmly cloaked in apathy.

I want to go out and get in a fight, feel flesh yield under my knuckles and the sting of returned punishment. I want to dive from a cliff into icy water and struggle keep the waves from breaking me on the rocks. I want to see that look in a lover’s eyes the first time we merge. I want to do something stupid and unsafe that makes me feel alive for a change instead of being calculated and controlled. I need adrenaline. I need release. I need to burn….

….but this too, will pass. Tomorrow will dawn and I will plod along, doing the right thing, the sensible thing. Rumor has it that there are rewards if you keep that up long enough.

No, I haven’t fallen off of a cliff or taken a 40th birthday inspired run down to Tijuana. I suspect that being butt poor in Tijuana is even less fun than being butt poor in New Jersey anyway. I was just feeling the isolationist need for a bit. Well, that and indulging in a Sims 2 marathon. You can blame Kendra for that one, She gave me the Bon Voyage expansion pack for my birthday (Thank you Kendra!!) and so sparked a renewal of my obsession. I heart the Sims games (in a masculine, macho kind of way, of course). After all, I can’t be a space pirate in real life, now can I? Nor will I ever be married or have kids in real life, but that sort of thing is much more fun when it can be turned off with the touch of a button.

Anyway, enough about virtual life. On to real life….. ….. …… Hmmm, I really need to get me one of those, don’t I?

I’m still unemployed and getting to the ‘desperate for work’ part of the program. I have less than a month of unemployment benefits left and then things get really messy. I’m also so poor that being able to afford orange juice when I went shopping this morning was a source of excitement. Oh yeah, I’m living it up and getting my citrus on. Whoo Hoo!

Yeahhhh, other than that, I got nothing. Hopefully, today’s paper will contain something good.