Category Archive

In answer to Shannon’s question about my avatar, I thought I’d post a couple of L’Arc~en~Ciel’s videos, featuring the seriously sexy Hyde (And I say that with full confidence in my heterosexuality. Face it, the man is gorgeous.)

*Edit just to make Lez happy:

Not much to say at the moment. I’ll let music convey my mood:

Last night I was feeling pretty damned bored. I was in one of those moods where my usual entertainments felt very ‘been there/done that’. Since I can’t afford (and/or have sworn off of) any unusual entertainments at the moment, I turned in desperation to the television (Gaspers!). Of course, the few programs on that I liked were all repeats I’d seen at least a half dozen times, but then, as I delved far from my usual click pattern, I saw a show listed on the Logo channel featuring “the best in gay, lesbian, and trans gendered music videos”. I wasn’t even aware that this was a music category, so of course, I clicked in. I only caught a half hour of the show, but I enjoyed it far more than any other music television I’ve happened upon in recent memory. My favorite was an artist by the name of Josh Zuckerman and his music video for “Be Real” :

I’d never heard of this guy, but he’s really good and it turns out he’s a Jersey boy. If I had a spare $8.99, I’d download his CD from Amazon.com.

Another show Logo had on that caught my attention was ‘Alien Boot Camp‘ which is an eclectic collection of short films, animation, etc. It’s very bizarre and highly entertaining, if a bit heavy on the propaganda side. I also got a lot of entertainment from some of the commercials. There was one for a “Male Enhancement” product which had me rolling on the floor. One of the spokesmen comes on with the line, “My girlfriend gave me some (of the product) as a gift and now I’m a BIG fan”. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! The mental image I get of a guy opening that particular gift (from his girlfriend, no less!) is just priceless. If he wasn’t suffering from erectile dysfunction and/or performance anxiety before that, he sure would be afterwards. Hehehe, I can see the set up for it too. The girlfriend comes up to the guy, “Hey honey, you know how Miss Manners says that instead of telling someone they have bad breath, you should just offer them some gum? Well, in that spirit, I have something for you…..”

Oh yeah, most fun I’ve had watching television in a looong time

I’ve been teetering on the edge of depression all week. Part of me just wants to let go, leap even, and plunge so deep I never see light again. Most of me, however, damned well isn’t going to give the powers that be that satisfaction. it’s just that I’m so tired of fighting against the corroding mist that fills my life. It seems like no matter what I try, how much I struggle and claw to pull myself up or gain a handhold, everything just breaks apart and I slide even deeper into the hole. I had to borrow money from my dad yet again just to cover my bills, which puts him even farther into debt….. I don’t know. It feels like I’m right back where I was five years ago. That all going back to school accomplished was to give me student loans to pay off and all I got out of Cartridge World was a whopping car payment. I find myself brooding on the endless ‘what if’ cycle. What if I’d never even heard of Cartridge World? What if I’d gotten a real design job when I left school? What if those skills hadn’t been atrophying for the past three years? What if… If… Friggin’ IF!

Real productive thoughts, I know. As long as we’re wishing, I want a pony too. I made my decisions and I accept the consequences thereof. The reality is, I need some sort of income and I need it now. The time for being fussy about what my job is, is long past. I damned well don’t want to drag my dad into the pit along with me.

No, I haven’t fallen off of a cliff or taken a 40th birthday inspired run down to Tijuana. I suspect that being butt poor in Tijuana is even less fun than being butt poor in New Jersey anyway. I was just feeling the isolationist need for a bit. Well, that and indulging in a Sims 2 marathon. You can blame Kendra for that one, She gave me the Bon Voyage expansion pack for my birthday (Thank you Kendra!!) and so sparked a renewal of my obsession. I heart the Sims games (in a masculine, macho kind of way, of course). After all, I can’t be a space pirate in real life, now can I? Nor will I ever be married or have kids in real life, but that sort of thing is much more fun when it can be turned off with the touch of a button.

Anyway, enough about virtual life. On to real life….. ….. …… Hmmm, I really need to get me one of those, don’t I?

I’m still unemployed and getting to the ‘desperate for work’ part of the program. I have less than a month of unemployment benefits left and then things get really messy. I’m also so poor that being able to afford orange juice when I went shopping this morning was a source of excitement. Oh yeah, I’m living it up and getting my citrus on. Whoo Hoo!

Yeahhhh, other than that, I got nothing. Hopefully, today’s paper will contain something good.

Today, at approximately twelve thirty pm, I officially enter my fortieth year of life, which means I have now lived a full decade longer than I ever intended to. It’s been an interesting decade. I’ve found love, traveled all the way across the country for that love, lost love, and moved back. I’ve returned to school, met new friends, both started and ended a new career, and finally discovered what I want to do in life.

I’ve grown a lot in the last decade, especially the past five years. I’ve stopped living just for the moment, for immediate pleasure without giving a damn for the consequences. Living for today is just fine, but tomorrow does come, and eventually the piper comes knocking for his pay. Live for today, but plan for tomorrow….. and remember, the path of least resistance always leads downhill.

I don’t have any regrets. The choices I made in the past forged me into the man I am today and, though there are certainly things in my life I want to improve upon, I like who I am. I have a loving family and good friends (both near and far) who truly care about me. With their support and a lot of hard work and dedication, I can make my life better than it ever has been.

So, here’s to four decades of life, to lessons learned, and to fighting the good fight. There’s something of a tradition in my family of having a 40th year meltdown. I am going to try to put a positive spin on that tradition and for my drastic fortieth year change, I have decided to take a vow of temperance. After today, and for the next year, no alcohol will pass my lips. I am doing this both for the health benefits and as a test of discipline….

…. Which, of course, means today I’ll be enjoying some good beer. I’ve already treated myself to gourmet coffee and bagels for breakfast.  I had planned on using my birthday money to take myself out tonight, but buying my new MP3 player took precedence over that, so it will be a mellow, but pleasant birthday celebration today.

And here we are on yet another Monday.. My weekend was pretty good, though not very eventful. I had a pleasant dinner out with Jim and Kendra on Friday night, than spent Saturday and Sunday mostly sitting out in the yard, sipping good beer, and reading Dungeon and Dragons supplements in preparation for starting to run the Game in a few weeks.

I’m actually getting fairly psyched about moderating again. It’s been quite a while since I’ve done it and this will be my first moderation since we switched back to playing D&D. Plus, I’m basing the campaign in the Forgotten Realms and the supplement books are frankly fantastic. I can feel ideas churning in my head for what I want to do and it feels good to have that creative flow going again. Now, I just have to get it down on paper and flesh things out a bit. Ahhh, taste the geeky goodness.

I know my head’s all messed up when I get a serious jones for Harry Chapin’s music. Don’t get me wrong, the man’s a freakin’ genius and I love his songs. I grew up on them and they touch me like no other music does. That’s why I need them when I’m feeling wonky. His songs play on my emotions, filling me with joy and sadness, with anger and with hope. I can play them, lose myself in them and come out the other side emotionally wrung out and cleansed. As I said, the man was a genius. Listen to the second song, which was written in the seventies, and tell me it couldn’t have been inspired by modern headlines.

The third song is one that inspired me as a child/young teen.  Every time I listen to it, I’m filled with determination. “Not me!”,  My soul cries, “Not ever me”

 And this last one is hope, a reminder of what this country can be….. Because it’s important to remember, America is not our government. America is our people and there is, in every one of us, the spark of a hero.

All right, so Britney Spears gave a bad performance at some damn awards show. Let’s all take a deep breath and get the hell over it…. Seriously. My whole morning workout I had to endure continual clips (on the five televisions) of her looking like a washed up stripper in desperate need of a pole. I go on the net and am flooded with more pictures, video clips, and rants. I can usually ignore celebrity hype, but this is just getting on my freakin’ nerves.

Maybe the government should do their business in g-strings and push up bras while lip syncing their speeches. They could even grind on a pole while stripping away our rights and freedoms. Maybe then people will actually notice.

I’m liking this group more and more. Typically, I checked their website and they just appeared in Hoboken, NJ On July 23rd and now they’re in the UK and Europe, so I missed a chance to see them live.

I stumbled onto this video while reading an online comic. I like it, so I’m sharing: 

So, my Sunday turned out to be way more exciting that I expected it to be. I had a very rough workout in the morning, mainly due to lack of sleep Saturday night, and I was majorly dragging in the afternoon, so I decided to take a nap. Am I living large or what? Anyway, next thing I know, my father is waking me up because Kendra is on the phone. She is calling because she won tickets to see Marilyn Manson and Slayer at the PNC Arts Center and she wanted me to take her! Needless to say, that sure woke me up. I had less than an hour to get ready and out the door to pick Kendra up. Luckily, I’m low maintenance. so I was out the door quickly.

The concert was fantastic. We got there over an hour before it started, so I got to do quite a bit of people watching. Heh, I’m pretty sure I was the only person there without something pierced or tattooed. The opening act was Bleeding Through, who I’d never heard of before. Kendra and I actually thought they were Slayer for a while. Shows what big fans we are, right? Bleeding Through was alright, but not really my kind of music. The keyboardist, however, is HOT. The vocalist was disappointed with the audience. He kept telling people to stand up and nobody did. I think it was an ego blow.

Then the real Slayer came on. Oh man, loud and hardcore! They have some pretty extreme fans too. We saw two guys get in a fight and while they were on the ground, a bunch of other people were just kicking the crap out of them. It got broken up without any serious injury, though…. at least I think. Slayer did get the blood pumping, but after an hour, it all started running together. After that, Marilyn Manson came on. Damn, but that man puts on a show! Different props and outfits for different songs, lots of audience contacts, the whole thing was great. Kendra was up and dancing for the whole set and he really had the entire audience energized. It was great and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Afterward, neither Kendra or I could hear a damn thing. We hung out a while to let the crowd clear, then headed out. I was pleasantly surprised with how quickly and easily we got out of the parking lot. I really, really have to get to more concerts. I realized on the way up that I hadn’t been to one since Woodstock ‘99. Almost a decade is wayyyy to long to go between concerts. Yep, all in all I had a great time. I’m glad I woke up for it.