You are currently browsing the monthly archive for May 2008.

Q: What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.

Q: What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one en-
gaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks
after work. The conversation eventually drifted towards how
best to spice up their sex lives.

After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by
engaging in some S&M role playing.

The following week they met up again to compare notes.
Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, “Last
Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend’s
office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people
had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather
bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so
aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right
then and there!”

The engaged woman giggled and said, “That’s pretty much my
story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me
waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose
and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only
screwed all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!

The married woman put her glass down and said, “I did a lot
of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over
at Grandma’s. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put
on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice,
a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos.
I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got
home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down
and yelled, ‘Hey, Batman, what’s for dinner?'”


Not much to say at the moment, so here are a couple of pretty pictures:

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“To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.” -Henri Bergson

My apologies to those I’ve concerned with my absence. I’ve been taking a break from my online routine, partly in the futile hope that breaking one pattern would lead to change in others and partly from a severe lack of inspiration. Since my blog is mostly about my life, and my life has been fairly static lately, there just hasn’t been much to say. I feel like I’m stagnating, doing the same things over and over again on a daily basis, beating my head against the unyielding wall of unemployment, working out, eating, sleeping. My days all just blend together and I honestly didn’t realize exactly how long it’s been since I updated.

Speaking of working out, I started back with weight training this week, a bit earlier than I had planned. A strictly cardiovascular workout routine just wasn’t doing it for me. I need the intensity of lifting to feel like I’m making progress, I’ve decided to try to change things up with a three day cycle. I’ll do weight training one day, cardio the next, then have a day of rest instead of trying to work out six days straight with one day of recovery. I’m hoping that will give me better results and I’ll be able to stick to the routine. After all, it’s consistency that is the key.

That’s pretty much all that’s been going on. With any luck, there will be some changes soon.

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*Betapwned is good, not-so-clean fun. Go check it out now!

I suppose it’s not a good sign when you dream of being repeatedly shot in the head. It certainly makes for a weird feeling when you wake up. It was yet another weird, highly detailed, and graphic dream courtesy of my strangely wired brain. I was in an outdoor shopping mall kind of setting, people all around, when a female sniper started opening fire. I saw the woman pop up with the gun, aim, and fire, all too quickly to react. I even saw the bullet clearly as it came directly at me, striking me in the center of the forehead. I felt the impact, but no pain and my body flew back, falling but my consciousness didn’t move with it. Instead, I watched myself fall; blood, skull fragments, and brain matter scattering. It was very gory. People around me started to panic and run as the sniper kept firing. One of the people in the crowd brushed against my “spirit self” and I was suddenly inside that body. Instead of fleeing, i turned and started running towards the sniper, with the idea that I should stop her. She saw me coming and shot me again. Again, I saw the bullet coming and was hit square in the forehead, my spirit staying as the body I was in fell. This time, I jumped into another person who was fleeing, taking control and turning to try to get at the sniper. Predictably, she saw me coming and shot me yet again. Same pattern, saw the bullet, shot in the forehead, body falling. This happened about half a dozen times before I got the bright idea to try to get at her while still in “spirit form”.

This time, I was able to get to her and I leaped into the sniper’s body to stop her from shooting any more people. Only, instead of simply taking over her body as I had with the others, as I entered her, I was transported to this weird surreal landscape that was very reminiscent of the Nightmare Realm as seen in Marvel comics. My subconscious probably borrowed it for just this occasion. Anyway, as soon as I entered this realm, I was locked in battle with this huge Lovecraftian creature, complete with tentacles, multiple breasts with razor fanged mouths instead of nipples, talons, the whole bit. Unfortunately, that’s where the dream ended. The whole scene froze like the last panel in a “to be continued” comic book. The whole thing was just very weird.

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* Stolen shamelessly from Lez

1) Wheres the person you like right now?

2) Last time you consumed alcohol?
My 40th birthday, six months ago

3) What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
On the treadmill at the gym

4) What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Playing “The Sims 2”

5) How do you feel about the person who texted you last?
Unconditional love

6) Have you ever been around someone who was high?
Quite often, but not recently

7) Do you like your life as of now?
It’s a work in progress. I’ll let you know when I finish

8 ) Last thing you purchased?
A newspaper

9) Have you ever drank with your number one?

10) Where are you right now, and how do you feel about where you are?
I’m home, it’s a decent place, but I’d rather be somehwere that’s my own

11) What are you excited for?
I’m excited for the happiness of the people I care about

12) Hows your heart lately?

13) Who was the last person you hugged?

14) Who was the last person to hold your hand?
I honestly don’t remember

15) Are you a jealous person?
Not a bit

16) Did you have a good birthday this year?
Decent, not fabulous

17) Are you tired right now?

18 ) What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual relationships?
As long as both chicks are hot, I’m all for them!

Seriously though, Love is love and labels are meaningless. Hold on to those who make you happy and to hell with those who don’t approve

19) Do you chew on your straws?

20) Have you ever been called a tease?
*laughs hysterically*

21) Last Message on myspace from?

22) Three days from now will you be in a relationship?
If I am, those pigs are going to play hell with air traffic

23) Do you have curly hair?

24) Who was at your house last?

25) Do you smoke cigarettes?

26) Do you lead people on?
*renewal of laughter*

27) Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Assuming you mean romantically, probably not

28 ) Have you ever told someone of the opposite sex you loved them and meant it?
I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it

29) Is there something you wanna do?
Many things

30) As of today, do you like anyone?
Meh, no one I’m pining over, if that’s what you mean

31) Have you kissed anyone on the lips today?

32) Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
That I have. My current record is above 70 hours.

33) Is your sister a slut?
My niece reads this, so I’ll decline to answer that

34) Do you like to cuddle?
Very much

35) Last person you cried over?
To the best of my memory, my Grandfather when he died

36) Do you cry easily?
Not at all.

37) Do you have any siblings?
One sister

38 ) Where did you go today ?
To the gym

39) What should you be doing right now?
Whatever I want

40) Are you a heavy sleeper?

41) When was the last time you did the dishes?

42) Name every one that made you smile today:
Just myself and my weird ass sense of humor, but then, I haven’t been very sociable today

Free association is described as a “psychoanalytic procedure in which a person is encouraged to give free rein to his or her thoughts and feelings, verbalizing whatever comes into the mind without monitoring its content.” Over time, this technique is supposed to help bring forth repressed thoughts and feelings that the person can then work through to gain a better sense of self.

I say … and you think … ?

  1. State ::Funding
  2. Lively ::Discussion
  3. Valet ::Parking
  4. Traction ::Can’t get any
  5. Official ::Reprimand
  6. Red hot ::Chili Peppers
  7. Powder ::Burns
  8. Replies ::Vary
  9. Flagrant ::Violation
  10. Tweet::Twiddle Twiddle

Well, here we are at the start of a new month. Today is the six month mark in my one year Vow of Temperance and I’m happy to say that I’m still going strong. No alcohol has passed my lips since my fortieth birthday. I’m not even feeling any particular urge to drink at this point. That’s certainly a change from my old habits. Take today, for example. It’s a rainy, cold Saturday. I have the house to myself and no responsibilities to take care of. My default on days like this would be to get a twelve pack of beer and a bottle of something harder, then spend the day watching movies, playing video games and getting schnockered. Not only am I not doing that, but I’m not even fighting the urge. I just have better things to do and I don’t need to wake up tomorrow feeling like crap. It’s kind of a nice change.

In other news, I’m working on getting back on track with my exercise program. My workouts have been too spastic the past few months. I’d spend a couple of days beating the crap out of myself,¬† miss a week recovering, then feel like I need to make that up and over do it all over again. I need better frequency and more consistency, so my goal for this month is to do less intense workouts more often. I’m going to stick to cardio, no weight training for one month, but an hour of cardio a day for six days a week. I’ll alternate days, so I’ll do Treadmill and Stairmaster one day, then the Rotex and Cardio wave the next. That way I won’t be doing the same thing all the time. I’m also going to start posting my weekly workout results in my blog again to help with motivation.

Sounds like a plan, eh? Now if I could just find a friggin’ job, I’d be set.

*Stolen from Avienne

You’re really upset; who is the first person you vent to?
Myself. I’ll talk to other people once I’ve calmed down, but if I’m really upset, I isolate myself.

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
Ideally, I wouldn’t date a smoker, but I’m not sure if it would be a deal breaker or not.

Can you do a split?
Hell no

Last person you texted?

Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
Morning, definitely, unless I’ve done something during the day to make me stinky

Have you been to New York City?
Yeah, but I prefer not to. I’m not a city type person.

Who is the last person you added to your contacts list in your phone?

Do you have any expensive jewelry?
Uhmmmm, nope

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Also Kendra

Do you think you have made a difference in anyone’s life?
You mean a positive one or just a difference? Either way yes, yes I have

Do you remember the name of your first school you ever went to?

I did until I had to answer this question, then the brain cell holding that information died a horrible, screaming death.

Have you ever tattooed anyone’s name on you?
Hell no

Why is your number one on MySpace number one?
Uhmmmm, she was the first person I added as a friend on Myspace, so she’s in the number one slot

How many piercings do you have?
None. I used to have one ear pierced, but it’s since closed up

Which year has been the best so far?
I suppose that would be 2003, the year I went back to school.

Ever found more than a dollar in a random place?

Has anyone ever been more important to you than a family member?
Depends on which family member you’re talking about.

Last time you laughed really hard?
Really hard? Watching an Eddie Izzard DVD

Last text message in your inbox?
U home later?

When is your next road trip?
No road trip until I have a job and spare money, so…. not in the foreseeable future

Do you know anyone addicted to any type of drugs?

Unfortunately, yes

Would you cry if you found out you were pregnant?
I’d laugh hysterically and change my name to Mary

Where is your phone?
On my desk

Do you know anyone by the name of Dennis?
No, I do not. What’s he been telling you?

Where is your pet(s) right now?
Buried so long, not even bones remain

What color phone do you have?

What kind of phone do you have?
A slide phone

How many kids do you want to have?
Is it possible to have a negative number?

What color are your eyes?

What is the natural color of your hair?
Blond and gray

What are you doing tomorrow?
Much the same as I did today.

Does heartbreak feel as bad as it sounds?
Never had it broken, just drained and dried out

What is the closest blue object to you?
The notebook I write down my workout information in

Have you eaten popcorn in the past 48 hours?

Been to a strip club?
Many, many times…. Not recently though

If you could say anything to any one person, what would it be?
Money’s not a problem, go to any college you want

Describe your life in one word: