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So, I’m watching me some Smallville the other day, when our boy Clark Kent makes the comment “Don’t worry, Washington, D.C. is just a couple of seconds away for me” or something like that. Immediately, the part of my brain that worries about such things perked up, because it actually isn’t a couple of seconds for him.

See, this is the problem I’ve always had with the power of Super Speed. Say you can run from Kansas to Washington in two seconds. To do that, you perceptions have to speed up as well so you can react to, and avoid, anything that happens to be in your way, so it’s not like you just blink and you’re in Washington. For you, it actually feels like you’ve jogged from Kansas to Washington at a normal running pace. Subjectively, you’ve just spent hours and hours doing nothing but running.

Same goes with all those little tricks they love to show, like cleaning. If you’ve watched any show with a super fast character in it, they always have a scene where that character has to tidy up his/her house/apartment/living space really quickly and you’re supposed to be all “Oooh, I’d love to be able to clean in the blink of an eye”. Well again, subjectively, you’ve just spent all day cleaning your house. It’s only to the people watching that it takes less than a second. Same with things like typing your term paper just before class or digging a trench across a road to stop a speeding car. All that stuff, for the Super Speeding character, seems to take the normal amount of time……. Think about how boring that would really be.

Ok, I’m done being a total geek (for the moment). We now return you to the so called “normal” world.

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So, I woke up this morning and did my usual routine of stumbling out of bed and immediately turning on my computer. Only today I was greeted with the unhappy message that I had no internet connection. I called my ISP and got a recording saying that their customers in New Jersey may experience service outages and that they expect to have the problem resolved within 48 hours. Ah, such happy news for before coffee time. So, I grumbled and shrugged, then went to the gym. After that, I went to Wal-mart for some new underwear (four pairs for ten bucks and no lead in the cotton weave, we promise!) as my old stuff was finding religion…. It was getting holey! Get it?! Huh, HUH?… *Ahem* Anyway, I got home to find my internet had returned and an e-mail waiting from the Capital One fraud department to contact them immediately. It seems that someone tried to charge over eighteen hundred dollars worth of merchandise on my card yesterday. Ha! Fie on them!! Another criminal mastermind foiled by my tiny credit limit!

All that before one in the afternoon. Heh, makes me wonder how the rest of the day is going to go. Maybe I should just hide under the covers until tomorrow.

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage,
hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it.
Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb
towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray
all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while,
another monkey makes an attempt with the same result – all the
other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when
another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys
will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage
and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana
and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all
of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and
attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will
be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace
it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is
attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment
with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey
with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth.

Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is
attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no
idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why
they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining
monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless,
no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the
banana.

Why not?

Because as far as they know that’s the way it’s always been
done around here.


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Unabashedly stolen from Girls With Slingshots. Go read it!

I'm Caligula!
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.